


Goodnight Hazza

by lots_of_larry_feelings



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Chaptered, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 06:26:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/606816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lots_of_larry_feelings/pseuds/lots_of_larry_feelings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is in love with Harry, who has no idea, and after a particularly bad fight, Louis adopts a kitten that ends up changing his life more than he could have ever guessed. Larry Stylinson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**_For Hazza- The only cat I’ve ever liked, and the only one that’s ever liked me._ **

Louis ran out of the door and into the frigid morning air. Tears continued to stream down his face as he tripped away from the house, paying no attention to which direction he was going, wanting only to get away. He shivered and wrapped his coat tighter around himself. He knew it wouldn’t help; the chill sitting in his bones was not caused by the temperature and would not disperse until he stopped crying.

This certainly wasn’t the first fight he and Harry had had while living together, or even the worst, but it had affected Louis more than it probably should have. Harry had brought home yet another pretty, blonde girl the night before, something Louis had learned to bear a long time ago. It was just another one of the many things Louis had to do to hide his feelings for Harry and, in doing so, protect their friendship and the future of the band. It wasn’t easy, of course, seeing the guy he loved lead a parade of girls through their living room, each one more beautiful than the last, but Louis gritted his teeth and acted pleasant towards each one of them, until that morning at least.

He had been alone at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of cereal, sitting at his laptop, and looking through the “Larry Stylinson” tag on Tumblr, something that always made him feel simultaneously elated and miserable; careful to make sure his screen was facing away from the doorway to the kitchen. He had heard footsteps padding down the hall, and then the girl walked cautiously into the room.

“Hello.” She said tentatively.

“Hey.” Growled Louis, before remembering his mask and plastering on a sickly-sweet smile.

“I’m Sara.”

“Louis.”

“I know.”

“Of course you do.”

Louis continued to scroll as the girl stood there.

“I hate waking up in other people’s houses before they do, it’s always so awkward, especially when there’s no one else there.” Louis grimaced internally at the girl’s pathetic attempts at small talk, but forced himself to remain polite.

“Would you like something to eat? Or drink?”

“Yeah, I’d love a glass of orange juice if it isn’t too much trouble.”

Louis stood up and silently walked to the fridge, pulling out the bottle and pouring some into a juice glass. He returned to the table and placed it in front of the chair opposite himself, then sat back down and continued scrolling.

“Thanks.”

Louis didn’t reply, and the girl eventually sat down as well.

The two remained for a few minutes in silence, broken only by the clicking of Louis’ mouse and the clink of spoon on bowl.

“He’s quite a guy.” Said the girl, trying again to start a conversation.

“Hmm?” Louis looked up at her.

“Harry, he’s quite a guy.” She repeated.

“You have no idea, sweetie.” Louis added the last word with a small, patronizing smile.

“Oh… Ok.” Replied the girl, obviously confused by the boy’s curtness.

Silence again fell over the room.

“I can’t believe I just spent a night with THE Harry Styles.” She said, again attempting to break the awkward tension.

This struck a nerve with Louis, some might say that he snapped. This was the last straw, he could no longer handle having to interact with these girls who got to be with Harry while all he could do was hope for a hug or an arm around the shoulder. “Listen sweetie, I just want to let you know something, you may think you’re special because Harry brought you up here and fucked you senseless against his headboard, but you’re not. You are just part of a blur of bleached blonde hair and boobs that speeds through his life. You’re one of many, and you’re certainly not special.”

The girl’s lip quivered and she burst into tears, running out of the kitchen and back towards Harry’s room. Louis knew he should’ve felt awful for making that poor girl cry, she hadn’t done anything, but he didn’t. He felt angry: angry at her, angry at Harry, angry at the world, and angry at himself for letting his heart lead him towards his curly-haired bandmate and into this hopeless despair.

A minute later, Harry stormed into the room, preceded by a series of violent stomps. “What the the fuck is your problem?” He demanded, anger evident in his voice.

Louis said nothing.

“Sara just came into my room sobbing, what the hell did you say to her?”

Louis remained silent, trying to hold back the tears brimming in his eyes. He always cried when Harry yelled at him, and it always made him feel weak.

“Well?!”

Louis spoke quietly, his voice breaking. “I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Take what? What the hell are you talking about?” Harry replied, his voice still raised.

“Forget it.”

“Lou, I’m not just going to drop this, have I done something?”

“No.” Said Louis, gritting his teeth at the lie.

“Then what gives you the fucking right to put that poor girl in hysterics?”

“I said, forget it!” said Louis, raising his voice to a yell. He snapped the lid of his laptop shut and headed towards the door, getting his coat out of the closet and grabbing his keys as he pulled it on. “I’m going out, I don’t know when I’ll be back,” he choked out as tears began to flow freely from his eyes. He yanked open the door and walked out, slamming it behind him.

Louis didn’t know what to do. It was obvious that he couldn’t go back to the house until he had calmed down a bit, but he didn’t really know who to run to in the interim. Usually, he would go to one of the other boys, but he knew Niall would just worry, Zayn would want to kick Harry’s ass for making Louis cry, and Liam… Liam would be the worst, he was so observant and he would know something was seriously wrong, he might even be able to figure out what it was.

So, having no other option, he just kept walking, and that’s how he first heard the kittens.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis followed the little mews until he saw a woman standing on the street corner in front of an apartment building. She was rather small, with short, dirty blonde hair, a button nose, and eyes that seemed to sparkle with a knowing warmth. She was bundled against the cold in thick, black leggings, grey suede ankle boots, a short grey skirt, a tight, black peacoat, and a plum infinity scarf.

On the ground next to the woman sat a brown cardboard box with a carefully written sign on it in a neat, loopy hand:

“Kittens: £50”

Louis approached tentatively and leaned forward to peer into the box, and when he saw what was inside, his heart melted a little and he couldn’t help the little “Aw” that escaped his lips. There were six playing together, wrestling playfully and nipping at each other, and a seventh sat in the corner of the box, next to her mother, looking up at Louis with big, brown eyes.

Louis’ fawning was interrupted by a sweet, bubbling voice. “Hi! Might you be interested in adopting a kitten?”

Louis looked up at the woman, startled by her energetic greeting. “Umm… I don’t know, I guess I’ve never really thought about it before.”

“Well, maybe you should start thinking about it! I’m Kara by the way, I probably should have told you that first.” She laughed, and Louis couldn’t help smile at the way it bounced and bubbled like sunlight, making him want to laugh too. It reminded him of Harry’s; effervescent and infectious, filling him up and making him feel like he was floating a meter above the ground.

“I’m Louis.”

Kara gasped a little, “So it is you! I love your band! You guys are my favourite, I have to admit I’m a little obsessed.”

Louis’ smile faded, he had been hoping to not have to deal with this kind of thing today.

“Don’t worry, right now you’re just another guy on the street, I understand.” she said quickly, seeing the disappointment on Louis’ face.

“Thanks, that really means a lot.” Louis replied, smiling again.

“So, adoption: Yes? No? Maybe?”

“Oh, right! I suppose it might be nice to have a pet in the house, I’m afraid I’ve never really been a cat person, though.”

“Oh, that’s a shame, they’re really great kittens, I wish I could keep them all, but there just isn’t room in my flat for eight full-grown cats.”

“How did you manage to end up with eight of them, exactly?” Asked Louis, trying to keep the mood light.

“Well, I work at a shelter, and I just fell in love with Pickles here.” She gestured to the mother, who reacted to the hand, twisting her head to look up at Kara with dark brown eyes. “And I decided to adopt her before we found out she was pregnant. I couldn’t let her go, so I volunteered to foster the kittens into adoption, and so here I am on the street with a box of fuzzballs.” She finished with another peal of glimmering laughter.

“I can see why you took to her so quickly, she’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, it’s not often you find cats that are pure orange like she is.” Kara said, smiling down at Pickles affectionately. “I think when you connect with an animal, the love is instantaneous, like when you have baby. Oh god… I sound like a crazy cat-lady, don’t I?” Said Kara worriedly.

“No, I think… I think I may know what you mean.” Replied Louis, returning his eyes to the small kitten cowering under her mother’s stomach, his face melting as he did so.

Kara followed his gaze down to the small, quivering ball of fur. “Stubby.”

“Pardon?”

“Her name is Stubby.” Said Kara with a knowing smile, she had seen that look many times before at the shelter when a person first saw the animal that they would inevitably adopt. “Would you like to hold her?”

Louis looked down at the small kitten for another minute, deep in thought, leaving Kara to watch him expectantly, waiting for an answer. Finally he spoke. “Stubby is an awful name for a cat.”

Kara broke down at the anticlimactic statement, falling into uncontrollable fits of giggling, finally recovering to say. “I know, I know, we just couldn’t think of a better name for her. See, her umbilical cord got tangled around her tail while she was in the womb, and by the time she was born, it had cut off the circulation completely and the end fell off soon afterwards. So, her tail may look normal now, but it won’t grow as she does, so we called her Stubby. “

“That’s awful.” Said Louis in a sad voice as he continued to stare at the small, defenseless kitten. Then, something clicked, maybe it was because of his strong maternal instinct, or maybe just because she was so damn cute, but Louis knew he had to take Stubby home with him. He didn’t know the first thing about cats, and he didn’t know if Harry would be ok with it, but… Harry… his interaction with Kara and her box of kittens had pushed the curly-haired boy out of his mind for a while, but now every emotion came rushing back into his heart again, filling it until it was fit to burst from simultaneous joy and misery.

“You think that name’s bad? This one here is called Fatty,” Kara said, interrupting Louis’ thoughts and gesturing to one kitten, who, despite her name was barely bigger than the others. “Me and the other girls over at the shelter didn’t want to get attached to any of them, so we named them based on their appearance, like Cloud and Shadow.” She added, pointing to two other kittens, one as white as snow and the other a dark, slate-grey.

“Well, I’ll definitely have to give her a new name.”

“Does that mean you’re going to adopt her?” Asked Kara excitedly.

“I think it does.” Said Louis smiling at the small woman’s enthusiasm.

“Fantastic! Here, you can hold her while I run upstairs to get some supplies to start you off with!” Said Kara as she scooped up Stubby and handed her to Louis. The kitten seemed panicked, and tried to jump out of Louis’ arms, but he held firm and she finally contented herself to crawl into the opening of his sleeve, leaving only her short tail sticking out. Kara started to turn towards the door of the building and then caught herself. “Could you watch the others while I’m gone?”

“I mean, I guess, but…”

“Great!” Kara interrupted, running through the door before Louis could get another word out.

Louis sighed and looked down at the box where he found Pickles glaring up at him. He was a little taken aback. “I’ll take good care of her, I promise.” He found himself saying. Why was he talking to a cat? This is why everyone says cat-people are crazy, he thought, laughing quietly at his own actions.

Despite his doubts, Pickles seemed to understand him, and Louis swore she nodded at him before going to separate two of her other bickering children.

Louis switched his attention back to the small lump in his sleeve. The-cat-which-at-the-current-time-had-no-name, as Louis had taken to calling her in his mind, had stopped trembling and had managed to turn herself around so that the very tip of her nose protruded out into the chilly air. “You’re crazy.” Louis said to the kitten. “I guess I am too now… I think I’m ok with that.” He concluded, smiling again.

Kara reappeared in the doorway precariously balancing a number of items on one arm as she used the other hand to turn the knob. Louis hurried to help her and held the door open as she walked out onto the street.

“Ok!” She said brightly and then started quickly rattling off a list of the items she had as she handed them to Louis one by one. “Here’s a litter box, she’s already toilet trained, here’s some of the food she’s been eating, it should last you a few days, but you’ll definitely need to go buy some more soon, here’s a few of her favourite toys, here’s a bag of kitty litter, and here’s a box to carry her home in. She likes to watch the tellie, especially things with flames, and she likes to listen to music, so try to keep something playing anytime she’s awake. Oh, and I’ll need the £50 for the adoption fee and to reimburse the shelter for all this stuff!” She finished, leaving Louis looking at her with a deer-in-the-headlights expression as he tried to process all the information he had been given in the last twenty seconds.

“Right.” He said when he finally caught up. He placed the all the stuff on the ground and pulled the kitten out of his sleeve, handing her to Kara so he could reach his hand into the constricted pocket of skinny jeans for his wallet. Which, of course wasn’t there. “I seem to have left my wallet at home, I could run and get it, but it may take me a bit to get back here.” Louis said disappointedly, he had been excited to take the kitten right home.

“You know what? Don’t worry about it.” Said Kara with a grin.

“Are you sure? Fifty pounds is a lot of money.” Said Louis worriedly. “If you gave me your address I could send you…”

“I’m sure.” Interrupted Kara, putting her hand on Louis’ arm and smiling gently. “I couldn’t bear separating you two now.” She said as she handed the kitten back to Louis, who picked up the small cardboard box and put her inside.

“Thank you so much. I’ll take good care of her, I promise.” Said Louis gratefully, repeating what he had said to Pickles just moments before.

“I don’t doubt it for a second.” Replied Kara warmly. “Well, you’d better be on your way, we wouldn’t want you getting sick out here, and if I’m not wrong, there’s something back home that you need to attend to.”

Louis was taken aback. “How did you…”

“Just a guess.” Said Kara, winking at him. “Well, this is goodbye, I hope you have a great life, and I’ll always love you.”

Louis was confused until he realised that Kara was talking to the kitten.

She reached out and ruffled the small cat’ ears, laying a kiss on the top of her furry head. “Oh, and my number’s in the bag with the food, in case you need anything! It was great meeting you! I know you’ll give this little one a good home.”

“It was great meeting you too.” Louis turned and began to walk away, pausing to call over her shoulder. “I’m guessing I’ll be in touch soon, I’ll probably panic about the first thing that happens!”

Kara watched Louis walk away and, when she lost sight of him in the mist, she shook her head and grinned. “He’s definitely gay.”


	3. Chapter 3

The kitten spent the majority of the journey shivering in a small ball in one corner of the box. Louis did his best to shield her from the spitting rain that had started soon after he had walked away from Kara, but a majority of the drops still hit her and she flinched slightly at each one. He began to worry about the kitten, and increased his pace as he bustled down the rain-slick pavement.

As Louis walked he thought about what he was going to say to Harry, trying to come up with some excuse for his outburst that morning. He knew that his best friend wouldn’t just let this go, and that he would just keep bothering Lou about it until he had an acceptable answer, but what could he tell Harry to keep him off his back?

He racked his brain and couldn’t think of a single, even slightly convincing lie he could tell to the curly-haired boy. Frustrated, he kicked at an empty can and missed, causing himself to overbalance and fall forward, sprawling on the wet sidewalk, the contents of his arms scattering in front of him.

He saw, almost in slow motion, the kitten’s box fly a few feet and land, miraculously, right side up. He breathed out a sigh of relief and put his face down on the pavement.

“This seems to just be one of those days.” He said to the ground as he wondered again how he had ended up in this awful situation, in which heartbreak had become a regular, constant feeling.

Then he remembered his furred charge, quickly pushed himself to his feet, and walked over to the box in a few large steps, leaning down to pick it up. The kitten was now drenched to the bone and shaking profusely from what Louis guessed was a combination of fear and cold. When he reached down a hand to stroke her back, she flinched away and tried to curl further into her own body.

Without a second thought, Louis removed his jacket and placed it over the box to protect her from any further rain. “I’m sorry.” He whispered as he placed the thick, water-proof fabric over top of the shivering mound of fur.

Louis began to run down the street, all thoughts of Harry pushed out of his head by the fear and protective nature that surged in him. All he knew right now was that he needed to get the kitten dry and warm, and he quickened his pace even further at the thought of what might happen if he didn’t.

When he reached the door to their house, Louis placed his load of pet supplies on the ground, keeping only the box which contained the as-of-yet-unnamed-kitten in his left hand as he dug into his pocket for his keys. He managed to get hold of the house-key and slid it into the lock, turning it as slowly as he could to keep it quiet and not let Harry know he was getting home.

He didn’t want to have to have another big confrontation right now, so when he cracked the door to poke his head into the foyer, he did so as quietly as he could.

He didn’t hear any sounds echoing from the kitchen or living room so he picked up the supplies and pushed the door open just enough to slip through, closing it softly behind him. He carefully took off his shoes, uncovered the rain-soaked box, and padded silently down the hall to the kitchen, stopping just before he reached the doorway, head cocked and ears listening for any sign of life.

It was at this precise moment that the kitten in Louis’ left hand decided to sneeze with a high pitched squeak and a sound like the air coming out of a very small, very wet balloon.

Louis looked down at the kitten, who returned the gaze with innocent eyes, and whispered. “As cute as that was, I need you to be quiet right now.”

He waited for Harry to come storming into the hall, but nothing happened, and he advanced tentatively into the kitchen.

The room was empty, and, after a quick inspection, Louis discovered that the rest of the house was deserted as well, leaving him to conclude that Harry had gone out.

“Good.” He said to the kitten, who, in reaction to the warm, dry air, had gotten up on her hind legs to peek over the rim of the box, as he walked down the hallway his room.

He entered the large, warm bedroom and closed the door behind him, making sure it was properly latched.

“We wouldn’t want you running out and getting lost in all the crap we have laying about.” Said Louis, laughing. Why was he laughing at his own joke? Not just that, but a joke that he had made to a cat while no one else was around? He must really be going crazy.

He walked over to the bed and gently placed the box and the rest of the items on the duvet. Reaching down into the box, he wrapped his hand softly around the kitten’s wet body and lifted her up, placing her in his left arm to hold her like a baby.

He turned in a circle to scan the room, his eyes lighting on a towel thrown over the back of his desk chair. He walked over and, after smelling it and deciding that it was definitely-probably clean-ish, returned to sit down on his bed.

“Ok, now let’s see if we can get you dried off.” Said Louis to the kitten, who had buried her head in the crook of his elbow, snuggling closer to his body in an attempt to stay warm. He spread the towel over his legs and placed the kitten on it. He then used the slack to gently rub her dry, making sure not to press to hard on her fragile skeleton.

When he moved the cloth, Louis couldn’t help but giggle at the sight that met him. The towel had fluffed up the-cat-with-no-name’s hair so that she resembled something close to a very unhappy looking cotton ball. He used his hands to lay her fur flat again so that she looked a little less like candy floss, and placed her on the ground.

The kitten immediately ran behind a chest of drawers and, after trying a number of ways to tempt her out, from shaking the toys Kara had given him to trying to lure her out with food, Louis eventually gave up on coaxing her out of hiding.

Louis spent the rest of the afternoon reading in bed and listening to the rain pattering against his window as it beat out a relaxing tattoo against the glass. Harry still hadn’t come home at 5 o’clock and Louis was beginning to worry until his phone buzzed with a text from Liam.

_5:12 Liam_

_im with haz he seems upset but he wont talk about it. do u kno y?_

_5:13 Louis_

_Yeah._

_5:15 Liam_

_wat is it?_

_5:16 Louis_

_I don’t want to talk about it either._

_5:20 Liam_

_wich 1 of u did somthing?_

_5:21 Louis_

_Me._

_5:23 Liam_

_Ok. well he seems prety torn up, u need to talk tohim._

Louis threw his phone across the bed in frustration. He didn’t need anyone telling him how to deal with Harry. He was the oldest member of the band after all, and he could handle himself accordingly. Louis knew Liam was just looking out for him, but he could just imagine the younger boy’s disapproving face, the look a parent gives a kid who’s stolen a biscuit from the pantry. He knew the other boy was right, but he just wished he didn’t have to be so right about everything all the time

Out of the corner of his eye Louis saw a slight movement and he turned his head to see the kitten venturing out from behind the wooden dresser. He didn’t move a muscle, fearing that he would scare her back into hiding.

The evening passed with Lou continuing to read, or, more accurately, trying to read but really thinking about Harry, while the kitten-with-no-name continued to explore the room. After she had realised that there were, in fact, no large dogs of any kind around, the little cat had sniffed, scratched, and climbed over every single thing in the immediate area, including Louis.

After spending time on time on top of his head, on his book, and curled between his arms, the kitten eventually contented herself to lie, of all places, on her new owner’s rear-end, which didn’t surprise him much. His little sisters (and the boys) had always made of him for having “a bum the size of the moon” (While one might think that was said by Phoebe or Daisy, it was, in fact, so eloquently phrased by Niall while he was drunk off his arse.)

Eventually, as the time between Louis’ yawns decreased, he rolled out from underneath the kitten and placed her on one of his pillows, then settled in next to her, laying his head so that they were face to face. Her small mouth opened in a yawn that brought a smile to Lou’s face, causing his tired eyes to crinkle with warmth.

As he looked at the small cat, her sides rising and falling slowly and steadily as she drifted closer and closer to sleep, he noticed just how beautiful she was.

She was as small as a toaster and her grey fur was striped with black and brown on her face and front legs, which blended into a dark, mottled colour as it neared her tail. Her face was gently sculpted and her large, smooth ears rose above her head like elegant, leathern towers that curved to soft points. The soft fur on her tail and paws shone in the light from Louis’ lamp, giving the impression of fine silken fabric.

Her eyes looked deep into Louis’ like two glowing orbs of amber, yet, despite the shrewd, almost reserved gaze that was characteristic to most felines, there was a certain glimmering light in them which was all too familiar to Louis.

It was the same shine that entered Harry’s eyes when he smiled, or when he was planning some prank against one of the other boys, or when he and Louis exchanged a knowing glance, communicating about some secret joke that they had shared together earlier on.

Rolling onto his back to look up at the ceiling, Louis exhaled in a deep sigh, a sigh that carried with it all of the heartbreak he felt. He reached over and switched off his lamp, plunging himself into darkness, the light from the streetlamp outside dimly glowing through the rain-streaked window, casting distorted shadows on the walls.

It felt like there was a hole in his chest where his heart should be; a deep, endless abyss that sucked into itself all of the joy that Louis had once experienced in his life. Now his happiness was only fleeting, dependent completely on how long Harry was around; how long their embraces lasted; how long their playful flirting went on; how long they sat together on Sunday mornings, watching cartoons in their pajamas and attempting to make waffles, failing every time; how long he saw the other boy smiling at him, his face shining like the newly-risen sun after a long, cold night; how long Harry looked into his eyes with all the love he could give to his best friend.

“I just wish you were here with me.” Said Louis out loud to the dark room as his eyes began to water and a lump formed in his throat.

“I just wish you would wrap your arms around me and hold me until I stopped crying.” His tears now flowing freely as he stumbled over his words.

“I-I wish you would te-ell me how much you love me.” He gasped out.

“I w-wish you were mi-ine.” He said, whispering now, unable to summon the strength or control to use his vocal cords.

Louis continued to lie there in the dark, tears rolling down his cheeks as he gasped for air, unable to continue.

No one was listening, he knew, but saying it helped relieve some of the pressure he felt from inside his heart. The secret was always there, tearing him apart from the inside out in a struggle to be heard; to be free.

As his breath returned to him and his tears lessened to a trickle, Louis whispered softly into the still, chilly air of his room, his voice catching in his throat.

“Goodnight Hazza.”

At the last word, the kitten next to him, despite being almost asleep, picked her head up off of her front paws, ears perked up and eyes looking at Louis with intent.

“Well.” He said softly. “I guess we’ve found your name.”

With that they both drifted off, Louis feeling cold and empty after his tears had drained his energy, and the rain continued to pelt the window; the only sound in an otherwise silent night.


	4. Chapter 4

_A hand drifted down Louis’ cheek, raising goosebumps in its path as it lazily traced a line to his collarbone. Lips pressed against each other and bodies moved together in a hazy rhythm, cresting and falling gently like the ocean on a moonlight night. Everything seemed to move slowly as they blended into one form, sharing everything they had to give; sweat-slick skin and ragged, halting breath._

Something small and soft hit Louis’ cheek, waking him from the the dream. He groaned loudly in protest. The thing was insistent and hit him again. He curled deeper into the warm cocoon of blankets that shielded him from the chilled morning air and turned over to face the other way.

In response, Hazza decided to climb up on top of his head and beat at his cheek with both paws.

“Alright, alright.” Louis said finally, his voice crackling with sleep. “I’m up.”

He looked over at the clock that sat on his bedside table, it was 7:30, much too early for him to be getting up on a Sunday morning when he didn’t have to work.

The first beams of the early-morning sun broke through the fog of the previous night and shone between the slats of the window blinds, painting soft strips of yellow light onto Louis’ bed.

He rolled onto his back, Hazza jumping off of him and landing neatly on the pillow as he did so.

“You had better not make this a habit of yours.” He said to the kitten, who now sat perched next to him, an expression of complete innocence on her small face.

“Don’t give me that look, you know perfectly well what I’m talking about, I need my beauty sleep.”

Louis pushed himself up into a sitting position, shaking his head in concern. He was still talking to the cat. Hazza leapt gracefully to the floor and went over to stand next to a large, wet stain in the carpet.

Louis let out a long sigh. “Oh lord, how am I ever supposed to get that out?” He asked with a note of exasperation in his voice.

The small kitten was seemingly unaffected by the tone, choosing instead to continue to stare unblinkingly up at her owner, looking a little too pleased with herself.

Louis dragged his tired legs out from under the warm blankets and dropped them over the side of the bed, a monumental effort this early in the morning. He pushed himself to his feet and then, after wavering for a moment as the blood rushed to his head, shuffled slowly to the bedroom door.

“Stay right there.” He said to the kitten, looking back at her, stern-faced.

He cracked the door open and peered across the dim hallway, no parts of the house showed any signs of life, even Harry’s room appeared completely silent.

Louis crept down to the kitchen, padded quietly across the room, the tile cold on his bare feet, he grabbed a bottle of disinfectant spray and ripped a large handful of kitchen paper from the roll mounted by the sink.

Harry always berated him for taking too much of the stuff:

You take 20 sheets of it and then ball it all up so you’re only really using one! I swear, we go through it faster than we go through chocolate, and I didn’t think that was possible, especially with Niall and Zayn coming over to eat all of it every day.

Louis smiled at the memory. Afterwards, Harry had gotten all worried that he had upset the older boy and insisted that they cuddle on the couch until “his Boobear felt better.” Louis hadn’t been offended in the slightest, of course, but he hadn’t made any objections.

He returned to his room and found Hazza clawing at the bottoms of the scarves that hung on a rack next to the closet. Louis hurried over and picked her up, placing her on the bed and returning to take the ends of the scarves and wrap them further around their pegs, lifting them up and out of the kitten’s reach.

“You, little miss, are nothing but trouble, I swear, if you weren’t so damn cute…”

He spent the next twenty minutes setting his room to accommodate its new lodger. He cleared one corner and covered the floor with an old welcome mat that he found shoved in the back of his closet. On the mat, he placed the litter box and two bowls (the spoils of another covert trip to the kitchen), one filled with food, the other, water. He also found a plastic crate under a pile of dirty clothes and put it next to the mat, supposing it might make a good toy for the kitten.

He did his best to clean up the mess Hazza had made, eventually giving up and making a mental note to google how to get cat piss out of a carpet. He then set about cat-proofing his room, moving anything that could be scratched or chewed or clawed up out of reach and making sure to secure anything that could fall over.

By the time he was finished, Louis could hear clanging noises emanating from the kitchen, and, deciding to just get the inevitable confrontation over with, he again ventured out, leaving Hazza to lie contentedly on his desk.

In the kitchen, Harry was busy making something or other with his back turned to the doorway. There was flour on the cabinet handles and spilled on the floor and the counter was covered in used utensils and measuring cups.

Louis stood and watched the tall boy busily moving around, pouring ingredients into a bowl and whisking vigorously, stopping occasionally to refer to the recipe open on the screen of his milk-spattered laptop. He was wearing a stained, ragged white t-shirt and small, black running shorts that showed off his butt nicely as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, reaching for things with his overly-long, muscled arms. His curls were a little deflated with sleep, but they still bounced with every movement, catching the light and finding a new way to take Louis’ breath away each time they did so. He was humming lightly, some tune he was making up on the spot, his voice quiet and lilting in the almost surreal, early-morning quiet. He was carefree, beautiful, and immensely, achingly, Harry.

Louis stood there, watching the boy he loved more than anything in the world, and falling for him all over again with each passing second. After a time, he remembered reality and coughed lightly to get his friend’s attention, because that’s all Harry was, he reminded himself, a friend. His best friend.

Harry didn’t hear him, and Louis coughed a little louder, making Harry jump and causing the egg he was holding to fly up and splatter on the ceiling, where the yolk stuck while the whites fell to the floor with a spectacular splat.

Harry wheeled around, holding a spatula out in front of him like a sword.

“Hey Curly.” Said Louis, unable to help the smile that crept over his face. “Planning on frying a robber to death?”

Harry lowered the spatula and looked down at the floor, his face bright red. “I hadn’t really thought that far.” He replied, biting his lip to suppress a small grin.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t doubt your deadly spatula abilities.”

“Well, I mean I am pretty good with this thing.”

Harry lunged forward and reached around Louis’ back with the utensil to smack him on the bum, retreating quickly and holding up his arms to defend against the inevitable retaliation.

Louis put on an affronted face. “Mr. Styles, you are so presumptuous.” He was glad that neither of them seemed too pressed to talk about what had happened the day before, and that his fears of awkwardness had been unfounded, at least for now.

Harry just grinned in response, eyes crinkling and dimples folding into his cheeks, then turned back to the counter, picking up a bowl and bringing it over to the stove.

“We should probably clean up that egg.” Said Louis.

“Ehh, later, one cannot interrupt the creative process.” Replied Harry in a pretentious voice.

“No, I suppose we wouldn’t want that.”

Louis sat down at the kitchen table and continued to watch Harry, unable to shake the trace of a smile that still played on his lips. The other boy reached up and took a large, rectangular griddle out of the cabinet above the hob, placing it across two of the burners, and dropped a large slice of butter onto it. He cranked the dials up and flames burst out beneath the iron slab like fireworks then quickly pulled back into tight, blue spears of fire, which hit the metal and spread out in jagged circles of red and orange heat.

“Chocolate chips or strawberries?” Harry asked over his shoulder as he pushed the melting butter around the hot griddle with the spatula.

“Both, please.” Said Louis hungrily.

“Of course, good choice.” Said Harry, smiling over his shoulder at Louis. “I can always count on you to know what’s best.”

“Only when it comes to food, and I’m not as good at it as Niall is.”

“I think you’re pretty wonderful.”

Louis blushed, but Harry didn’t see, having turned back to pour 3 circles of batter onto the griddle. He reached over to the kitchen island, balancing precariously on one foot to reach the cutting board littered with diced strawberries and the large bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Sometimes Louis thought this was the worst part of being best friends with Harry, the flirting. While he enjoyed it, he was constantly having to remind himself that he and Harry weren’t together, and that he was just like that with everyone, admittedly maybe a little more so with Lou, but it didn’t change anything.

“Need any help over there?” Louis inquired, looking worriedly at Harry’s imbalance around so many knives.

“Yeah, because we both know how good you are in the kitchen.”

“Do you doubt my skills?”

“Well, Lou, you nearly burned down the house down, and that was just toast.”

“Oi, watch it.”

Harry barked with laughter, returning to land on two feet and placing the strawberries and chocolate next to the cooker. He took some of each in one of his large hands and dropped them on top of the lightly-bubbling pancakes, sliding his spatula under each one in turn and flipping them with a loud sizzling noise that reverberated around the tiled room.

“So what were you up to yesterday?” Asked Louis, trying to keep his tone bright and easy, but knowing he was entering into choppier waters.

“I spent the day out with Sara, we went to National Gallery. She’s a really fun girl.”

“Oh.” Said Louis, his face falling for a moment before he sternly reminded himself that he had no reason to be upset, Harry could go out with whomever he pleased. “Sounds like fun.”

“Yea. You?”

“Umm.” Louis considered telling Harry about Hazza, but decided it would be best to wait until the potential minefield they were treading through now was passed. “Not much, sat around, read a little.”

Harry walked over to the table with two plates piled high with strawberry and chocolate chip pancakes, putting one down in front of Louis and sitting down with the other. They ate for a while, discussing the superiority of pancakes to all other breakfast foods and eventually ended up pondering on why scrambled eggs can’t be eaten at any other meal during the day without it becoming “breakfast for lunch” or “breakfast for dinner.”

After eating, they worked together to clean the egg off of the floor and ceiling and then Harry announced he was going to go out shopping.

“Want to come? We both need a new winter wardrobe.” He asked Lou.

“No, I’m feeling a little ill.” He didn’t, but he couldn’t leave Hazza alone in his room all day.

Harry’s brow furrowed. “Do we need to call the doctor?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Louis, we don’t want a repeat of that time you got the flu and didn’t tell anyone until you felt sick until you were puking your guts out at 3 in the morning.”

“I promise, it’s probably just a cold.”

“Ok, well, I’ll bring you home some soup for dinner.”

“And that’s why I love you.” Said Louis with a smile.

If only you knew just how much.

“Love you too.” Said Harry as he grabbed his keys and coat. He walked to the front door and pulled it open, waving over his shoulder as he stepped outside, leaving Louis alone, or at least nearly so. Louis went over and turned the bolt lock, making sure it was secure; fans could be a little crazy sometimes.

He went back into the kitchen and cleaned up the rest of the mess Harry had made. He loved when Harry cooked for him, but he swore the boy had never washed a dish in his life.

Returning to his room, he found Hazza napping happily on the very top of the book case, having apparently climbed up the drapes to get there. He had to get his desk chair and stand on it to to reach her and get her down to the ground again.

“You’ve certainly made yourself at home.” Said Louis as he sat down on the bed and picked up the copy of the book he was reading, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. It was a great book, but it was awfully sad, and Louis had spent the last few days on the verge of tears, and often past it, as he read the heartbreaking story.

The kitten hopped up on the bed and came to lie on Lou’s stomach, curling into a small ball and falling back to sleep, lulled by the rising and falling of his breath.

Louis eventually nodded off as well.

When he woke up to the buzzing of his phone, he was lying on his side, his legs brought up near his torso, and Hazza was curled in between his chest and his knees, nuzzled into him and warming a small patch of his body, her ears twitching slightly as if she were dreaming.

He slowly moved his arm up and slid his phone out of his pocket, being careful not to wake the sleeping kitten. I must be getting old, he thought, falling a sleep in the middle of the afternoon.

It was Niall, asking if he wanted to hang out. Louis texted back a simple “Sure.” And Niall replied quickly, “Cor. b right over.”

Louis let the phone fall out of his hand and onto the bed. He slowly uncurled his limbs and gently moved off the bed, going to get his favourite stuffed animal, a dog with a t-shirt that read “I <3 Harry”, half of a matching set that he and Harry had gotten a while back, and placed it next to the sleeping form of Hazza, who snuggled into it.

Soon enough, the doorbell rang and before Louis could get to the door, he heard a key turn in the lock. When he reached the foyer, Niall was already taking off his shoes.

“I told ya it was a good idea to gimme that key.” Said Niall, grinning at Louis.

“Yeah, I’m not so sure, I still vaguely suspect you of coming in the middle of the night and eating our food.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny the aforementioned accusations.” Replied Niall, putting on his best English accent.

Louis laughed.

“Where’s Haz?” Continued the Irish boy.

“He went shopping.”

“And you didn’t go with ‘im? I donnae t’ink I’ve ever seen you miss a chance to go shoppin’, everyt’ing alright mate?”

“Well, I told him that I was feeling sick, but that’s not the real reason… Can you keep a secret?” Louis asked, dropping his voice to a whisper and putting his arm around the other boy’s shoulder.

“Gerrof me.” Said Niall, pushing Louis away. “I swear, you t’eatre kids are weirdos, the lot o’ya.” He shook his head, still grinning.

“I resent that.” Said Louis with an over-exaggerated look of mock indignation plastered on his face. “I’m definitely not telling you anything now.” He declared, turning dramatically away from the blonde boy and crossing his arms with a flourish.

This sent Niall into a bout of his famously-strange, yet oddly-endearing, laughter and Louis couldn’t help but break his ridiculous character and join in.

“Ok.” Said Louis as he recovered. “Here’s the real reason.” Again leaning in to the other boy. “I adopted a kitten yesterday.”

Niall’s face lit up like the night sky on Guy Fawkes Night. “Can I meet ‘im?” He asked excitedly.

“Sure, she’s in my room.”

“Oh, sorry, can I meet ‘er?”

“Come on.”

When they reached the door, Louis stopped and turned to Niall. “Now, I don’t know how she’s going to react, when I first brought her here, she hid behind my dresser for three hours, so don’t move too fast.”

“Right. Can we open the door now?” Said Niall, practically bursting with excitement.

Louis turned the knob and swung the door in, Niall rushing through ahead of him. By the time Louis got through the door and closed it behind him, the Irish boy was already lying on the bed with Hazza walking around on his stomach. Louis took a second to appreciate the fact that Niall was probably the most adorable individual on the face of the planet. “You two seem to get along well.”

“Cats love me, it’s a little known fact.”

“Is that so?”

“Wot’s ‘er name?”

“Haz…I mean Hazel.” Halfway through saying the kitten’s name, Louis realised how odd it would seem to have a female cat named after his best friend.

“So Haz doesn’t know about ‘er yet?”

“No, we had a bit of a fight yesterday, and I felt telling him I got a cat might not be a good idea right now.”

“I heard from Liam, but he’ll have to find out sooner or later, ya know?”

Louis and Niall spent the rest of the afternoon and much of the evening lying on Louis’ bed, playing video games and eating exorbitant amounts of junk food. They ordered in from Nando’s and watched old episodes of “The Vicar of Dibley”, though Louis mostly just listened to Niall laugh, which was at some times even funnier than the show.

Hazza spent the majority of her time sitting on Niall’s shoulder, entranced my the tv and playing with the small, blonde curls that protruded out from under his snapback. The two had seemed to have bonded almost instantaneously, and the kitten eventually fell asleep on Niall’s lap.

Around 10 o’clock, Niall looked at the clock on top of the TV and said he should probably be getting home. The two boys hugged at the door, and Niall walked out into the night, with Louis calling after him to send a text when he got home, so Louis would know he was safe. He had gotten a message from Harry earlier, so he knew that the younger boy was staying the night at Zayn’s.

He read for a little while longer and then, after his phone buzzed again with a message from Niall saying “im home, mum.” Louis got into bed and turned off the light.

As he lay in the dark with Hazza curled up against his side, Louis again whispered softly into the air.

“Still wishing you were here.”

He thought about Harry, hoping that somehow the message might get to him, that maybe the universe would somehow communicate his silent plea, and that everything would be alright. But Louis knew there was no one listening except for the small form laying by his side.

Despite this, he whispered again, this time half to Harry and half to the kitten.

“Goodnight Hazza.”


	5. Chapter 5

The following week saw the boys in the studio everyday, recording the new album from some ungodly hour in the morning till late at night. Their new schedule gave them little time to do anything but sing and sleep; heading straight to bed after each session, Harry to his own room and Louis to curl up with Hazza. Then Friday came, and with it, winter.

Louis was awakened by bright, white sunlight pouring in through the window and gently seeping through his closed eyelids. Sleep still clouded his mind and, in the foggy haze, a soft happiness curled in his chest. He lay under a mountain of cosy blankets with a kitten-shaped ball of warmth huddled against his neck, spreading a feeling of contentedness through his body.

It was only after a moment of quiet contemplation, bathed in the warm light, that he remembered suddenly that he was supposed to have been in the studio by 6 that morning, and that the sun should not have risen yet. Opening his sleepy eyes in panic, he threw off the covers, exposing his bare legs to the cold air and causing goosebumps to rise all over his body. Hazza was catapulted out of the bed with a high-pitched squeak as Louis bounced into a sitting position and then leapt to his feet.

“Sorry Hazza-baby!” Said Louis as he dashed over to his dresser and yanked open a drawer, hastily grabbing the first item his hand landed on and trying to pull it on over his head. After getting it halfway on he realised it was a pair of running shorts and threw them to the ground at his feet, managing to find a slightly-wrinkled pair of red and green plaid pajama bottoms. “I guess I’ll be festive today.” He muttered to himself as he pulled them on, followed by a large grey hoodie.

He went across the hallway to the bathroom and hurriedly went about trying to make himself look presentable, quickly giving up on his hair and running back to grab a beanie that hung from his scarf rack.

Going to check the time on the alarm clock that sat by his bedside table, Louis prepared to yell at it for not waking him up when it was supposed to, a habit he had developed during secondary school. He stopped, however, when he saw the note that was stuck to the clock face, written in a scrawled, flourished hand:

_Morning, sunshine. Look out your window._

_Love, Harry_

_P.S. I turned off your alarm, figured you wouldn’t mind._

_xoxo_

Louis pulled the note off and looked at the numbers displayed on the digital screen, it was almost 9. He pivoted where he stood and approached the window, a grin spreading across his face as he did so.

Outside, the street had been transformed overnight. A thick blanket of soft, shining snow lay over the world, silencing the city completely. The sun reflected off of the white landscape, illuminating everything with a muted glow. Small flurries of snow still fell from the scattered clouds that drifted lazily through the sky; flakes intertwining and spiraling together like ballerinas as they fell noiselessly to the earth below.

Pressing his nose to the window, Louis took in every single detail, savouring the beautiful scene before him. “Well, back to bed then, Hazza.” He whispered into the glass, still smiling. He turned around and flopped back into bed, again disturbing the kitten, who had resumed her place on the warm sheets, as he drifted back towards sleep.

When he awoke again, the sun was completely hidden by dark clouds and the air was thick with wind-blown flakes. Everything outside was now buried under almost 20 centimeters of snowfall, and large drifts had piled up against the buildings and cars that lined the city street.

Eyes half closed, Louis rolled out of bed and onto the floor, where he lay, still tangled in his blankets, face in the fluffy carpet, searching for the energy to stand. He eventually found it and came to his feet, wandering blindly in the dim light of his room until he managed located the door and fell into the hallway. Harry’s room was empty, and he found his flatmate sitting on the couch in the living room wrapped in a blanket with a mug of steaming hot chocolate, watching cartoons.

Harry looked around when Louis came in, the thick quilt that he was wearing up over his head like a hood falling back as he turned to face him.

“Happy snow day!” He said gleefully in a loud, obnoxious voice, his face beaming like a little kid’s.

Louis groaned loudly and covered his ears. “What time is it?” He croaked.

“It’s almost noon, I decided to let you sleep as long as you wanted, since recording got cancelled today. There’s cocoa on the stove in the kitchen.”

“Thanks.” Louis replied as he turned to shuffle to the kitchen. He found a saucepan warming on the stove, and poured the rest of its contents into a large Santa mug (Harry had refused to put them away after Christmas the year before, insisting that they keep the holiday spirit alive all year round). After stirring in a dash of cinnamon and putting a dollop of whipped cream on top, he returned to watch the tv.

In the living room, Louis started to sit down in the large leather reclining chair next to the couch. He heard a whimpering and looked over at Harry, who had on his best puppy dog eyes and had opened up the big blanket so that he looked like some sort of large, cuddly bat with its wings spread open.

Louis couldn’t resist that offer, and so stood up with a large sigh, going over to settle cross-legged next to Harry. The larger boy wrapped his arms back up so that the two of them were swathed in the warm, cushiony comforter. Louis managed to free his hands and gripped the warm ceramic mug, relishing in the heat it released as it leached the cold out of his stiff fingers.

They stayed like that, cuddled up together in a tangle of limbs and blankets until, at some point, Louis’ stomach decided it was time to eat. They worked together to get a frozen pizza out of the box and into the oven, a task which they discovered was much harder when wrapped together in a blanket.

They spent the remainder of the afternoon puttering around the apartment and curled up in various places. Eventually, after watching Tangled and playing through every board game they owned, Harry got antsy.

The Curly haired boy placed the scrabble tile he was holding down onto the table and turned in his seat to face Louis. “Let’s go out.”

Louis looked at him quizzically. “Harry, love, there’s a blizzard going on outside.”

“Yeah, I know, but there’s no new snow falling.” He replied with his face set in an adorable pout. “Pleeeeaaaaase?”

“I don’t know…”

“Looooouuuuiiiiiiiis…”

“Fine, but if I freeze to death, I’m holding you personally responsible.” Said Louis with a smile.

“I am perfectly ok with that! Anything to get out of this house.” Replied Harry as he jumped up and ran out of the room, poking his head back in to say. “Go get your coat.”

Louis laughed and shook his head at the other boy’s energy. Sometimes he didn’t know how Harry managed to stay so perky all the time. He stood up and walked down the hallway to his bedroom past Harry’s closed door, the sounds of his bouncing around leaking out into the hall.

Going over to his closet, Louis briefly considered changing into some real pants, but decided against it, as that would require effort. So instead, he grabbed a pair of navy blue mittens and a black winter jacket, pulling them on. Walking over to his bed, he sat down and bent down to pick up Hazza, who had been jumping around his feet since he had entered the room. He held her up to eye level and said, in a stern voice. “Make sure you behave while I’m out, no attacking anything.”

The kitten had developed a tendency of pouncing on everything and then proceeding to cling to it with her teeth and claws, leaving scratches all over the room. Louis placed her back on the ground, and walked back to the front door, where he found Harry in the foyer, lacing up a pair of brown leather boots. He stood up and Louis couldn’t help but appreciate just how beautiful he was. He was wearing burgundy cotton trousers and a black, fitted pea coat over a hunter-green jumper, his hands were clad in dark grey gloves. His smooth curls swept gracefully across his forehead, casting one side of his face in shadow and accentuating the sharp bone structure. Upon seeing Louis, his eyes lit up again at the prospect of a snowy adventure, one side of his mouth lifting, causing a dimple to appear on his cheek.

“You look… cozy.” Said Harry, seeing Louis’ mismatched outfit and snickering.

“Shut up you twat.” Retorted Louis. “How was I supposed to know you were going to dress up and put me to shame.” He added as he grabbed a pair of tall black wellies and pulled them on over his wool socks, tucking the pajama pants into the top.

“Oh yes, perfect, those just complete the ensemble.” Harry nodded sarcastically before bursting into a fit of giggles.

Louis picked up a shoe and threw it at him, which did nothing to stop the outburst. “I hate you sometimes.”

“No you don’t.” Replied Harry as he turned and pulled open the door, letting in a frigid gust of wind that struck Louis’ skin like cold fire.

“Where are we going, anyways?”

“That, my young Padawan, is for me to know and for you to find out.” Harry answered with a knowing grin, then stepped out into the snow.

“I’m older than you, you know!” Louis called as he followed him out the door, wrapping a yellow scarf around his neck as he did so. The wind was still blowing fiercely, but it had calmed down considerably since that morning. Taking his first step on to the snow, his foot sank down a few centimeters, but the ice that had formed over the surface held his weight up pretty well. He closed the door and pulled his key out of his pocket, clumsily locking the door with mittened hands.

He jogged to catch up Harry, falling into step with him as they reached the end of the street. Harry began to run in circles around Louis, making him laugh as he dived into snow drifts and threw snow up the air. The tall boy reached down and picked up a handful of snow, compressing it into a sphere between his palms.

“Don’t you dare.” Said Louis, eyeing the snowball

Harry grinned and started to run toward Louis, who turned and fled. “No! No! Harry I will kill you!”

The snowball went whistling past his head and when he turned around, Harry was already running away from retaliation. “I’m sorry.” He yelled from what he thought was a safe distance. “I couldn’t resist.”

Louis’ lip began to tremble and Harry immediately ran back to hug him, at which point Louis took the snowball he had been holding behind his back and smashed it into his curly hair.

“Serves you right.” Louis said haughtily, wiping his mittens against each other and continuing to walk down the street.

Harry came up behind him and put his arm around his shoulder. “I guess I deserved that one.” He said, smiling at Louis, who looked back at him with bright eyes.

They kept walking, the icy air biting at Louis’ nose and causing him to shiver and pull his scarf up higher on his face. Their feet crunched in the snow as they trudged through the wintery city, the only noise in an otherwise eerily silent world.

Louis’ phone buzzed, he pulled it out of his pocket and, seeing a message from his sister, tried to reply, a task made more difficult by his thick mittens.

_5:38 Lottie_

_Mom’s started crying again._

_5:39 Louis_

_Ok, I’ll call her tonight_

_5:40 Lottie_

_Thanks <3_

_5:40 Louis_

_< 3_

Louis snapped the phone shut and put it back into his pocket with a sigh. He looked down at his feet, worrying about his sisters back in Doncaster with their Mom, who he knew was trying her best, but still.

“Everything alright?” Harry asked concernedly, seeing the crease in Louis’ forehead and putting his arm around the shorter boy.

“Yeah, just family stuff, things at home are bad again.”

“I thought your Mom was still with Dan.”

“Yeah, but two divorces has an effect on a person I guess.”

They fell silent for a while, broken only by the cracking of ice under their feet, until Harry spoke again.

“It sucks. Having your parents get divorced.”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, it’s like, when you’re little, you think that they’ll stay together forever, you just assume that they’ll be in love as long as they live, but that’s just not the way it works.”

“Yeah.”

Harry looked forward towards the wintery horizon, a sad yet resigned light in his eyes. “And then, once they separate, it’s like the only world you’ve ever known has shattered into a million pieces. Like your life is a tower that you keep building on as you get older, but the bottom falls out from underneath you. And you’re just angry and sad and you can’t do anything about it.”

“Yeah.”

Harry pulled Louis closer and they continued in silence until he spoke again.

“Do you believe in true love?”

Louis looked up at him.

_Yes, and I’ve already found it._

“I don’t know. I think so, why?”

“I don’t know, after seeing my parent’s fall apart the way they did, I sometimes feel like it might all just be made up.”

“Oh… I guess I felt like that at one point.”

_And then you came along._

“Like maybe there isn’t one person out there for all of us.”

Louis knew that Harry was wrong, and he wanted nothing more in the world than the courage to tell him right now, come hell and high water, but he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t risk losing their friendship, no matter the cost.

Instead, he stopped walking and pulled Harry into a tight hug, burying his face into the chest of the boy that he loved more than anything else and breathing him in.

“Well.” He said into the rough wool of Harry’s peacoat. “We always have each other.”

Harry squeezed Louis in his strong, sure arms.

“Yeah.”

They stood there, in the cold, until they were interrupted by a snowplow coming down the street. They broke apart and Harry looked down at Louis with a smile before taking his hand and pulling him along, as if the conversation had never happened. “Come on, we’re behind schedule!”

Soon enough, they reached a small bakery tucked into the bottom of an old, brick apartment building. Warm, yellow light shone out of the frosted window and onto the snowy ground, making the place look like a beacon in the frozen tundra that had enveloped London.

“How did you know this place would still be open?” Asked Louis.

“They always are, the owners live upstairs.”

As they approached the door, Louis made out a sign, half-covered by icicles, that read “The Cinnamon Nook” in bright purple lettering on an light blue background.

They pushed open the door and a bell jingled above the door as they entered, welcoming them into the small café. The floor was tiled in pumpkin orange and two of the walls were painted a deep, rich red while the other two were the same brick as the exterior of the building. The air was warm and thick with the smell of cinnamon and nutmeg. Dotted around the room were a myriad of tables, chairs, and couches of different shapes and sizes, all well worn and scuffed from years of constant use. Around the edge of the ceiling, christmas lights were strung from nails and a number of paintings and photographs hung from the walls. Directly across from the entrance sat a large glass counter, inside of which were displayed a variety of pastries and confections. Sitting behind the counter, on a high wooden stool, her eyes focused intently on a book of feminist theory, sat Kara.

She looked up from the volume and saw Louis and Harry standing on the doormat, waving excitedly at the sight of them.

“Hey!” Said Louis, waving back.

“You two know each other?” Asked Harry.

“Yeah!” Said Kara brightly.

“I thought you worked at the animal rescue.” Louis remarked.

“I do, but this is my parent’s place and I help out sometimes when I’m home, I got trapped here by the storm, so… voila! How’s Stubby?”

“She’s doing great! Her name’s Hazel now.”

“Oh, that’s much better.”

“Who’s Stubby?” Queried Harry, who was at this point very confused.

Louis turned to Harry. “Promise you won’t be mad.”

Harry looked at him inquisitively. “Ok…”

“Well, last weekend, I may or may not have adopted a kitten.”

Harry stared in silence for a moment. “How did I not notice that there was a cat in our apartment for a week…?”

Harry wasn’t angry in the slightest, and, after they settled into two cosy armchairs and Kara brought them mugs of coffee and a plate of cinnamon-sugar muffins, the two of them sat at a small table and Louis filled him in on every cute thing Hazza had done over the past week. By the time they left the bakery, Louis and Kara hugging at the door, Harry was so excited to meet the kitten that he practically dragged Louis home, jumping up and down next to him as he unlocked the door, and bounding to Louis’ room once they got inside.

After they managed to coax her out from under the bed, Hazza seemed to get comfortable with Harry, and they ended up sitting on Louis’ floor and playing with her until late at night, when Harry stood up to go to bed.

He walked into his room and turned around in the doorway to face Louis, who was standing by his own door.

“Well, it’ll be nice to have someone else around here, you can get a little boring sometimes.” He said with a cheeky grin.

Louis smiled. “Goodnight Hazza.”


	6. Chapter 6

The other boys came over for brunch the next day, something Louis made them do once month, and Zayn and Liam were officially introduced to the kitten. As they sat at the table, sipping orange juice and eating the scones and frittata Harry had made early that morning, Louis looked around at the other boys and thought about just how blessed he was.

Harry and Zayn were struggling to stay in their chairs, cackling together at some joke that Niall had made, who was too busy eating to notice that he’d had such an impact. Liam was sitting directly across from Louis at the circular, wooden table with a stupid grin on his face, feeding small pieces of bacon to Hazza, who sat in his lap. He loved every one of them like family; he had always wanted a brother growing up, and now he had four.

Louis couldn’t help but imagine what it could be like if he and Harry were together. They would tell the other three over a meal just like this one, sitting next to one another and holding hands under the table to reassure each other that they had the courage. Liam would immediately be supportive and happy that they were happy, Niall would clap them on the back and claim he knew it all along, and Zayn would just reach across the table squeeze their hands, a smile small on his face, bursting silently with pride for their bravery.

His face must have dropped at the bittersweet daydream, because when he looked up, he found Liam looking at him with worried eyes.

“ _You ok?_ ” He mouthed to Louis.

Louis tried to brush his concern away with a small wave of his hand, but the other boy did not seem convinced, and, a little while after they had all left, he texted Louis.

_12:23 Liam_

_evrythin ok? u lookd uppset at brnuch._

_12:34 Louis_

_Yeah, I’m fine, thanks. :)_

_Louis replied, tacking a smiley face onto the end in an effort to at least create the illusion of happiness._

_12:35 Liam_

_Lou, I kno ur not_

_12:36 Louis_

_Just leave it._

_12:36 Liam_

_com ovr 2 mine_

_12:37 Louis_

_Fine._

_12:38 Liam_

_< 3_

Louis stood up from his desk chair and walked across the hall to Harry’s room, knocking on the door before he pushed it open. Harry was splayed across his bed, one hand on his mouse as he scrolled through twitter and the other busy gently petting Hazza’s head, who now had free reign of the apartment and usually alternated between lying in one of the bedrooms or curling up on the couch.

“I’m heading over to Liam’s for a bit.”

“Christ, you just saw him 20 minutes ago.”

“I know, I just can’t get enough.” Louis grinned.

“Evidently.” Harry laughed. “Will you be home for dinner?”

“Yea.”

“Ok, ta-ta for now, then.”

“Cheerio!”

“…We just got really Scottish…”

“I know, it’s a serious problem, I don’t want to talk about.” Louis stated in a tone of feigned seriousness as he left the room and walked to the foyer, where he pulled on a jacket and walked outside to hail a cab.

When he arrived at Liam’s, Danielle answered the door, holding a phone against her ear with one shoulder.

“Hey babe! Come on in!” She ushered him inside, fussing over his coat like a frantic curly-haired mother hen. ”I’m on hold with the bank, I swear they play the most irritating music possible. Liam’s in the den, you can go right through.”

“Thanks.” Louis replied as he pulled off his red toms, placing them on the mat next to the shoe closet. He didn’t always know whether Liam was looking after Danielle or Danielle was looking after Liam, but either way, he was always glad she was here. Their house was always a place where he felt safe, where the two most nurturing people he had ever met would look after him and make sure everything was ok. This didn’t help him feel any less nervous about talking to Liam, something he had been dreading the whole way there.

He walked down the hall to find Liam sitting on the couch in front of the tv, watching some awful reality show about people’s houses getting redecorated for free. Louis stood in the doorway for a moment and watched him as he looked happily at the family who had just been given a remodel with a small smile on his face.

“Oh god, you’re such a sap.” Said Louis eventually, walking over to sit on the couch and tuck his feet beneath himself, settling in to lean against Liam.

Liam switched off the tv. “Well, it’s so nice, they don’t have the money to do it themselves, and they were all so excited.”

“Only you, Liam Payne…”

“Ok, I’m a bit of a sap. Anywho, what’s up?”

“I don’t know, just some stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

Louis didn’t say anything, instead becoming very interested in a string that had come loose from the toe of his sock.

“Louis, you know you can tell me anything.” Liam continued.

“I know. But I’m scared. This is really, really bad.”

Liam put his arm around Louis, his brow furrowing in concern. “Well then you have to tell me, you need to tell someone, I’m sure it can’t be all that bad.”

Louis hesitated, he knew he could trust Liam, and he was sure he would be supportive, but there was the lingering fear in his mind, that horrible possibility that he would lose everything and everyone he loved. He wasn’t just admitting he was in love with Harry, he was coming out to someone, something he had never done before, and he was more terrified than he had ever been in his entire life.

Liam waited, gently rubbing Louis’ shoulder until he opened his mouth to speak again.

“I just… I…” He began. “…I can’t do it.” He said, his voice cracking on the last word as tears began to brim at the corners of his eyes. He buried his face into Liam’s broad shoulder, soaking his shirt as he sobbed into his strong chest. Liam wrapped both arms around him and gently shushed him as he continued to cry. Louis always felt better when Liam was holding him, solid and resilient like a cliff that refuses to budge as the waves continue to pound against it.

Louis went on through heaving breaths as tears continued to spill from his eyes. “It’s Harry… He… I…” He choked, unable to continue, curling his legs into Liam, who waited patiently, letting the crying boy take his time.

“I think I may love him.” Louis said finally, looking up at Liam with red-rimmed eyes.

“Oh Louis…” Liam whispered down to him, stroking his hair with one large hand. “You know that no matter what happens, everyone will still love you; all of us in the band and your family and our true fans, it doesn’t matter to any of us what you do or how you feel. Everything’s going to be ok.”

“I just… He’ll never feel the same way, I mean, he’s straight.”

“I wish you had told me about this earlier.”

“I spend all my time thinking about him, I just can’t get him out of my mind, and I want to tell him more than anything, but what if it ruined our friendship? Or what if it got out that I was gay, and it ruined the band? I would never be able to live knowing that I fucked up all of your lives just because I was being a fucking idiot and I couldn’t keep my emotions under control.”

“None of us would care, Lou, we just want you to be happy, no matter what. Also, I don’t think anyone would be that surprised, I mean, I’m not, I see the way you look at Harry, and the way he looks at you. To be honest, I’ve kind of been making bets with myself that you two would get together.”

Louis laughed, his tear-stained face cracking into a hesitant smile as the sound forced its way out of his throat and turned quickly into a cough. “I just haven’t been happy in a really long time, Li, and I wish there was some way I could stop loving him.”

“It hurts because it matters, Lou.” Liam said softly, his eyes crinkling as he smiled down at the Louis, who seemed so small and defenseless in comparison to his usual flamboyant self. “Now, I’ll go make us some tea, sound good?

Louis nodded, wiping his eyes on his sleeve as he sat up, his face brightening slightly at Liam’s words; a slight glimmer of hope lifting his heart just the smallest bit out of the dark abyss that it had fallen into.

Liam stood, keeping his hand on Louis’ shoulder until the very last second, and walked out of the room. Louis heard the rumbling of the tea kettle echoing from the kitchen and the opening and closing of cabinets.

Liam called from the other room. “So, does this mean you’re gay?”

“I mean… yeah… I’ve known that for a while now, I kind of always knew.”

“I KNEW IT!” Danielle yelled from somewhere else in the flat.

“QUIET, WOMAN, WE’RE TRYING TO HAVE A HEART-TO-HEART!” Liam yelled back.

Danielle poked her head around the corner to look at Louis. “ _I knew it._ ” She whispered before disappearing back behind the wall.

Liam came back with two mugs, teabag strings hanging out of them, and sat down next to Louis, handing him one. “Sorry about her… Why haven’t you told anyone before?”

“Well, I was scared, and then we got so big, and I didn’t want us to lose any fans over me.” Replied Louis, placing the mug on the coffee table to cool to a drinkable temperature.

“Well that’s just silly, if any of our fans would stop liking us because of whether you like lads or girls, well then they aren’t REAL fans.”

“I guess.”

“So how long have you had feelings for Haz?” Asked Liam, taking a sip of his tea.

“A long time, since the X-Factor I think, it was all a little confusing back then, I still wasn’t really comfortable with myself at that point… but I think it was kind of love at first sight, and it just got worse from there.” He replied, remembering the first time he had seen those beautiful green eyes reflected in a bathroom mirror. The first time he had seen those gorgeous curls and sharp dimples. The first time he had heard the words “Hi, I’m Harry. Harry Styles.” spoken with a small, charming grin. The first time his heart had beat a little too fast and his hands had felt as cold as ice. The first time his heart had leapt up into his throat quicker than he had thought possible. The first time he had experienced a love so pure and painful that he had felt light-headed afterwards.

Liam didn’t say anything, and when Louis looked over at him, he looked like he was about to cry.

“Stop making that face! Lord.” Said Louis as he took a pillow and covered Liam’s face with it, causing him to spill tea down the front of his shirt.

“Sorry… it’s just so cute, I’ve always hoped you guys would get together.”

Louis looked down, crestfallen. “Yeah, well, you might as well give up on that dream now, he’ll never feel the same way.”

“Stop saying that, you never know.” Replied Liam, lifting his chin with one finger and smiling at him warmly.

“I do, though.” Said Louis, lying down on the couch dejectedly.

Liam lay behind Louis and wrapped his arms around his chest, strong and sure. They lay like that for the rest of the day, watching bad tv, Louis feeling Liam’s slow breaths and the steady beat of his heart, letting his worries slip away one by one like dried leaves being taken by the wind on a blustery autumn day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to the fan-fucking-tabulous John Green for the line ”It hurts because it matters.” You should all go and read his books because his writing is just a beautiful bucket of creys.


	7. Chapter 7

The day after his talk with Liam, Louis woke up late with a stuffy nose and a sore throat. It was a stormy morning, the sky grey and the trees outside his window whipping back and forth in the wind.

His phone vibrated against the wooden surface of his nightstand with a text from Harry, telling Louis that he was going out with Grimmy and some other friends. Louis, while he liked Nick a lot, couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of jealousy. He didn’t care for the way that he overtly flirted with Harry, even if it was as a joke.

Louis stayed in bed until he heard the door open and close as Harry departed, knowing that the younger boy would insist upon staying home and looking after him if he found out he was sick and, though he did feel better after talking to Liam, he wasn’t sure he was quite up to seeing Harry right then, let alone having him fussing around like an over-protective parent.

Once he was sure the other boy was gone, he got out of his bed, picking Hazza up off the floor and grabbing his laptop with the other hand as he walked out of his room and down the hall to the kitchen. He flicked the light switch with his elbow, flooding the tiled room with bright, white light, and placed the kitten down on the ground. She ran over to the table and jumped up on a chair, then onto the tabletop, where she sat down, tucking her legs underneath her body.

Louis pulled open the doors to the pantry and looked into it, his stomach rejecting everything he ran his eyes over with a gurgle and a slight feeling of nausea. He eventually settled on a bowl of cornflakes and retrieved the milk from the fridge. Sitting down at the table, he put his computer down then poured some of the cereal into a bowl, followed by a splash of milk, and stuck a spoon into the crunchy flakes.

He pulled open the lid of his laptop with a click and, checking his email, saw a new message from Liam entitled “hope ur doin ok”

_just checkin in, thougt id send u somthing tht might cheer u up :) <3_

Attached was a picture of a small puppy sticking its head out of a teapot. Louis smiled, he was glad he had told Liam, at least now he had someone to call whenever he had a breakdown; the other boy had no idea what he’d gotten himself into.

He opened an internet window and clicked to Twitter, exiting out of the browser quickly after seeing a slew of tweets and tabloid articles about Harry and a “new mystery girl.” There seemed to a new rumour every week, portraying Harry as some sort of slut, and recently such gossip had become even more frequent, so in addition to the constant stream of ‘fuck you, fag’s that he got in his mentions, he also had to deal with hundreds of candid pictures of Harry leaving clubs with a different girl every night.

Angry at the media and at his so-called “fans,” Louis snapped his laptop closed and pushed it across the table and away from himself. He turned to face his breakfast, lifting the spoon out the now completely milk-soaked mess of cereal. He grimaced at the unappetising lump of dripping slop that sat on the utensil, forcing himself to bring it to his mouth, despite the revolting, soggy texture that reminded him of stewed cabbage. He swallowed and flinched as the mouthful forced its way down his swollen throat, making it throb with a sharp, piercing pain.

Giving up on the cornflakes, he used his feet to push back his chair and stood, picking up the bowl and walking to place it in the sink. He turned on the faucet and watched as water flooded the bowl and washed the disintegrating mush down the drain.

Pivoting around, he looked at Hazza, who was still sitting happily, her tail swishing back and forth across the wooden table-top.

“Well, I guess eating is out of the question, then.” He said, surprising himself with the raspy sound of his own voice.

Louis walked over to the kitten and ran his hand along her back, prompting her to purr softly and lift her head in contentment. ”What’re we gonna do, Hazza?” He asked, looking down at her.

He knew his taste-buds would only accept certain foods while he was sick, but, after looking through the pantry again and opening the fridge five times in a row, apparently convinced that new food would magically appear, he still couldn’t find anything that didn’t make him feel nauseous when he thought about it.

All of a sudden, an intense craving for chocolate cake struck him like a freight train and his stomach rumbled loudly. He thought about it for a moment and decided that deserved cake, being in the sorry state that he was, and that this call must be answered.

He then considered the options: either he could make a cake, which would take quite a while and leave him with a whole cake, which, of course, he would end up eating- something that would probably make him even more sick. Alternatively, he could go out and buy cake, which would involve walking and possibly putting on real clothes, but would require less work. After standing for a moment, he settled on a compromise; he would take a cab to the Cinnamon Nook, thereby eliminating both work and temptation.

Louis returned to his room and stopped in front of the full-length mirror that hung behind his door and ran his hand through his matted hair as he looked himself up and down, deciding that changing out of his pajamas would be just too much effort while he was sick. He chose instead to pull on a thick, purple jumper that his Mum had given him for Christmas the year before.

He went back to the kitchen and squatted down by Hazza, who was attempting to climb up the fridge and failing rather spectacularly. “Make sure you don’t get into any trouble while I’m away, I’ll be back in a bit.” He said as he reached out and gently rubbed his knuckles over the soft fur on top of her head.

He stood up and walked to the foyer, taking his keys off the table by the door as he pulled it open, stepping out on to the street, and hailing a cab. He got in and gave the cabbie the address of the bakery, settling back in to the leather seat and looking out the window.

Louis watched the winter-bound city speed by as they drove down the nearly empty Sunday streets. The buildings and snow-filled gutters became a blur of white and grey, lulling him into a trance as they flashed in front of his eyes.

They reached their destination and Louis paid the driver, thanking him as he slid out of the cab. He walked up to the door of the small bakery, his feet crunching on the thick, stale snow that had been hardened into ice by the continued drop in temperature since Friday, and pushed open the door, the little bell ringing lightly as he did so.

An old man sat behind the counter that day, and the sound of woman humming emanated from the kitchen, a lilting sound that seemed to carry the cold from Louis’ bones. He figured these must be Kara’s parents and approached the display case.

The man pushed looked up from his newspaper and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with one finger to survey his new customer. He smiled and his face cracked with wrinkles from years of laughter. “Good afternoon.” He said jovially in a thick Irish accent and, seeing Louis shiver slightly, added. “The weather’s horrible out t’ere.”

“It is rather.” Replied Louis, walking up to place his hand on the aged, wooden counter.

“Is t’ere anyt’ing I can help you wit’ today?”

“Yes, could I have a piece of your best chocolate cake and an Earl Grey tea, no sugars, thanks.” Replied Louis after taking a moment to look at the menu board that hung above their heads.

The old man turned around on his stool and yelled back into the kitchen. “Got t’at, honey?”

The humming stopped and a light voice came bubbling back through the open doorway to the kitchen, also in broad Irish. “Yes, dear!”

He turned back around to face Louis. “My wife should be right out wit’ your order, you can sit anywhere.”

Louis smiled and turned around, surveying the room, his eyes settling on a burgundy leather armchair that sat in the back corner in front of a small, round table. The upholstery was scuffed with age and its dark, wooden legs were scratched from years of people kicking them as they sat down and stood up.

Louis approached the chair and lowered himself into it, sinking deep into the soft cushioning with a sigh. The light in this corner of the bakery was dimmer because of its distance from both the front window and the counter. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with the warm, spiced air that lazily circulated the room, as Kara’s mother resumed humming from the kitchen.

A moment later she emerged from the doorway behind the counter, carrying a tray. She was the spitting image of Kara, or rather vice versa, with the same button nose and twinkling green eyes. She wore a purple dress and a bright-yellow flowery apron, her wavy grey hair was put up in a loose bun, showing her large hoop earrings.

She approached the table, a bittersweet Gaelic lullaby escaping quietly from between her lips, and placed the the tray down, stopping her beautiful melody for a moment to speak. ”Here ya go sweetie.” She said to Louis with the same warm, knowing smile that Kara had used when they had first met in front of her apartment.

She removed a large, red mug of steaming tea and a plate that held an enormous slice of chocolate cake from the tray, tucked it under her arm, and retreated back to the kitchen, kissing her husband on the way, lilting notes echoing after her.

Louis smiled after her retreating form as he pulled the sleeves of his jumper up around his hands and picked up his mug, blowing on the hot liquid and taking a tentative sip. The tea scalded his tongue on the way down, but the pain in his throat subsided. He gripped the mug tightly to keep warm as the wind howled outside the cosy, little bubble of yellow light that was the bakery.

Louis moved his fingers along the inside of his sleeves, running his skin against the worn, knit fabric and remembering the day that his mother had given it to him. It had been the first Christmas that he’d been home for since the band made it big, and she’d had tears in her eyes the whole time, continuously telling him how proud she was of him.

As he began to wonder how his mother was doing back home with the girls, a thought struck him; he had completely forgotten to keep his promise to Lottie and call Jay. He had been so distracted by being with Harry and the snow that it had completely slipped his mind.

He carefully placed down his mug and slid his phone out of his pocket, typing in the number and holding it to his ear. He looked across to the faded, cracking brickwork that made up the far wall as a hollow ring echoed from the other end of the line. He heard a click and his mother’s voice sounded out of the earpiece. ”Hello?”

“Mum? It’s me, Louis.”

“Hello sweetie! Are you coming home to visit?”

“Not this week, but hopefully soon.” Replied Louis, smiling at the sound of his mother’s voice. “I’m actually calling because Lottie asked me to.”

There was a short silence from the other side of the line before Jay answered. “Why’d she ask you?”

“She says that you’ve been having some trouble recently, that you’ve been crying again.”

Again there was a pause. “Well, Louis, you know how hard it’s been for me the past few years.”

“Mum, you know that I understand better than anyone, but you can’t let the girls see you crying like that, it upsets them, especially the twins, you know how sensitive they can be.”

“I know, you don’t need to tell me how to raise my daughters.” Answered Jay curtly.

“Don’t be ridiculous, mum, you know I think you’re an amazing parent, I mean you raised me, and, let’s face it, I’m pretty amazing.”

Jay laughed. “I’ll try my best to hide it from them, I may talk about it with Lottie and say sorry.”

“That would probably be for the best, she seemed less upset than worried about Fizzie and the twins.”

“I hate knowing that I put them through that. I’m just glad I have you, my little boobear.”

“Mum, I’m almost 21 now you know.”

“You’ll always be my little baby boy.” She said, and Louis could almost hear the small, sweet smile on her face. “How’re things with you?”

“They’re good.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I said they were good.”

“Louis, I know you better than anyone, and I can hear that something is off, so what’s wrong?” Jay said in a firm voice.

“It’s nothing really, I just…”

“Louis.”

“I, I have something that I need to tell you.” Louis said quietly, his heart beating out of his chest as his throat seemed to close up all of a sudden.

“What is it sweetie? You know you can tell me anything at all.”

Louis paused and took a long, slow breath.

“I… I’m… I’m gay, mum.”

There was another silence. “…And?”

“And? That’s all you have to say?”

“Well, I already knew that, is there something else?”

“You already knew?!” Asked Louis, incredulous at his mother’s casual reaction.

“I’ve known since you were three and you used to put on my high heels and run around the house calling yourself ‘Mrs. John Travolta’” Replied Jay, laughing.

“I don’t even remember that, but it does sound like something I would do.”

“So, is there an ‘and’ to this confession?”

Louis swallowed heavily before speaking again. “It’s Harry… he… I… I think I may be in love with him.”

Louis heard Jay sigh from the other end of the line. “I can’t say I’m very surprised, though I was hoping it wasn’t true. I see how you look at him whenever you two are together, and whenever he’s gone, you won’t stop talking about him.”

“I just don’t know what to do…”

“Well, I think all you can do is wait it out, boobear. Maybe he likes you too and maybe he doesn’t, either something will happen or you’ll get over him.”

“He’s straight though, and what if I can’t get over him?”

“You know how much I hate what-if’s; we’ll deal with that if and when it happens. Also, you don’t know that, never say never.”

“You sound just like Liam.”

“Well, maybe you should listen to Liam then, I always feel better knowing that he’s looking out for all of you.”

“I suppose so. It’s just been so hard mum, I have to see him every day and act like everything’s normal and be this perfect person for all those fans out there.”

“I know sweetie, but it will get better, it won’t be bad forever, you know it’s true, just don’t let your negative thoughts control you.”

It was the same stuff Jay always said to him, but it made Louis feel better, just as it had during ever crisis and emotional breakdown he’d had since childhood.

“Thanks, mum.”

“Ok, I have to go, but promise me you’ll keep smiling, because you have such a wonderful smile and we wouldn’t want it to go to waste.”

Louis giggled. “I will, I promise.”

“Alright then, Love you boobear! I’ll give the girls a kiss for you.”

“Love you too.”

Louis heard a click as his mother hung up. He put his phone down on the small table and had just picked up his mug again when it buzzed.

He picked it up, figuring that it was Jay again, calling to tell him something she had forgotten, but instead he saw “Haz” appear on the Caller ID. He pressed the accept button and held the phone to his ear.

“Louis?” He heard Harry ask, his voice small and shaky.

“What’s wrong, Hazza?”

“It’s Hazel…”

“What about her?” A pit began to form in Louis’ stomach at the quaver in Harry’s voice.

“She’s been hit by a car.”


	8. Chapter 8

By the time Louis reached the animal hospital in downtown London, he was out of breath, having run the last 15 blocks after his taxi got stuck in traffic. After Harry had told him that Hazza had been hit by a car, he had stayed on the phone just long enough to find out the address of the hospital and then hung up, frantically apologizing to Kara’s parents as he practically threw a bill at her father and ran out of the bakery.

He rushed through the glass doors of the small building, bumping into a family who was on their way out with a rabbit in a metal carrying-cage, he gave them a hurried “Sorry!” before he darted past them and ran up to the counter, the breath coming into his lungs in short, ragged gasps.

“Hi,” he panted to the very startled receptionist, “My cat… I’m here… Can you tell me where my cat is?”

“Can you tell me the name of the person who admitted your cat?” 

“Yes, Harry Styles.”

The man looked up at Louis, puzzled, and then a look of recognition dawned on his face before he remembered himself and turned to type the name into his computer. “Yes, ok, she’s in room 317, the elevator is down the hall and to the left.”

“Thank you.” Louis replied as he turned to run down the hall, reaching the elevator and pushing the up button with a shaking hand. He stood waiting, and when, after 20 seconds, the doors still hadn’t opened, he went up the stairs, taking them two at a time and finally reaching the third floor.

He walked down the white, fluorescent-lit hallway, slowing his pace as a pit began to form in his stomach and his heart raced faster. He reached the door to room 317 and stopped in front of it, staring at the blank, whitewashed wood, his stomach up in his throat, nervous for what he might find behind the door.

As Louis stood there, his eyes looking unfocused at the metal plate bearing the room number, the door swung outwards, hitting him in the shoulder and bringing him back to reality. He was jostled back, and when he looked up to see who had hit him with the door, he found Harry standing there, looking rather disheveled, his the bags under his eyes even more pronounced against the red-rims, brimming with tears at the sight of Louis.

“I’m so sorry Lou, I was just opening the door and she ran out, and by the time I caught up to her, she was already in the street and…” Harry’s voice faltered as he stumbled forward and into Louis’ arms.

Louis held him tightly and murmured softly through his curls. “It’s going to be ok Haz, I’m sure she’ll be fine, right?”

Harry looked up at him with cloudy eyes. “The doctor doesn’t know yet, she says it could go either way. She’s hurt pretty bad, Lou.”

“Come on then, it can’t be all that terrible.” Louis said as he turned Harry around, with one arm still around his waist, and moved him forward into the the small hospital room.

As they got through the door, Louis eyes snapped instantly to Hazza, who rested on a clean, white cloth in the middle of a large, steel table. He momentarily forgotten his own grief to focus on comforting Harry, but seeing her small form lying there, surrounded by glass walls, with a tube running out of her mouth and an IV between her shoulder blades, he broke down. Tears filled his eyes, stinging his face and forcing him to clench his eyelids shut. His body folded, his knees almost giving from under him completely and his back slumping down as he raised his arms to his face.

Curled up, unconscious on the metal table under the bright light that hung from the ceiling above, Louis suddenly realised how tiny she was. One of her small legs was bent out from her body at an awkward angle, and blood had dried around her mouth from where she had been coughing it up. He could see her body struggling to get air as her chest rose and fell sporadically and spasmed with the effort of breathing.

He walked forward and reached out a tentative hand to gently run his knuckles along her forehead, just as he had that morning, except this time she jerked involuntarily away at the touch and a small whine escaped her mouth. One of Louis’ tears ran down his cheek and fell onto the kitten, hitting her fur and sliding off to make a small, dark circle in the thin fabric that protected her from the cold, unforgiving surface of the table.

He heard something scrape along the floor behind him and then felt a large, strong hand on his shoulder as Harry pushed him gently down into a chair. The younger boy reached back with his other hand and pulled up another chair next to Louis, sinking down into it and scooting as close as possible, the sides of their bodies pressing together as Harry moved his hand across Louis’ back to rest on the other shoulder.

They sat there, Louis crying softly and stroking Hazza’s sleeping form, and Harry silently communicating as much love as he could muster through the arm he held tightly around Louis’ body. Eventually, the doctor came back into the room and Louis shot up from his chair, dislodging Harry’s hand, which fell down his arm until their fingers were intertwined.

The doctor walked over to the kitten and check the IV bag before turning to Louis and extending a hand. “Hi, I’m Dr. Newman, I assume your this little one’s owner?”

“Yes, yes, is she going to be ok?”

“I can’t say for certain yet, we won’t know until after her surgery.”

“Surgery?”

“Yes, did your friend not tell you? There’s too much internal bleeding, so we need to go in and try to staunch it with a clamp.”

“Is it safe?” Asked Louis with fresh tears in his eyes.

“Yes, the surgery itself has a very high survival rate, but afterwards it’s about 50/50, it depends on the cat and how bad the damage is once we get inside.”

Louis squeezed Harry’s hand so tightly that the younger boy thought his fingers might break, until he was distracted by a knock at the door, and all three of them turned to see Liam’s head poking in through the door. “Can we come in?”

Louis wiped his eyes with the back of one sleeve. “We?”

Liam pushed the door open further and walked into the room, followed closely by Zayn and a very concerned-looking Niall. Liam walked right to Louis and wrapped his large, muscular arms around the crying boy, clutching him tightly and letting Louis bury his face in one broad shoulder.

Niall walked up next to them and placed a hand on Louis’ shoulder. “Harry called us right after you, how’s Hazel?”

Harry answered after it became evident that Louis had no intention of coming out of Liam’s shoulder. “It could go either way, she has to get surgery and then it’s a up in the air.” He looked at Dr. Newman to confirm.

“That’s right.” She said in response and then addressed all five of the boys. “We will do everything we can to improve her chances, but there’s always the possibility that she won’t survive long after the operation, so you need to be prepared for that.”

Liam extended one hand toward the doctor, still keeping the other one around Louis. She took it and he thanked her for the help, and then left the room. “I’ll leave you some time alone with her, she’ll be going under the knife in about two hours; a nurse will be coming in to take her to surgery.”

Liam brought Louis back to his chair and then the they all brought chairs and gathered around him. Harry continued to hold his hand as Liam, Zayn, and Niall all put hands on his shoulders and back, giving him support.

They stayed like that without speaking, five pairs of eyes watching Hazza as she slept, as Louis slowly ran one hand down her back over and over again and continuing to sniffle softly. Eventually, the nurse came in to take the kitten away and told them they would be able to see her again in about 5 hours.

“No, I want to stay and wait.” Objected Louis, as Liam and Harry tried to coax him out of the room to go get something to eat.

“Lou, you’re exhausted and you haven’t eaten all day.”

“No! I want to be here when she comes back.”

Liam interjected. “You shouldn’t be here alone, at any rate.”

“I don’t care, I don’t want to leave, I owe it to her.”

“Boobear, you can’t punish yourself for this, if it was anyone’s fault it was mine!” Harry said angrily.

Zayn, who hadn’t said a word since he arrived, reached over and placed a hand on Harry’s arm. “I’ll stay and wait with him.” He and Harry looked into each other’s eyes and Harry sighed.

“Ok, just make sure he gets something to eat.”

“I will.” Said Zayn, smiling slightly at Harry’s concern.

Harry bent over and nuzzled into the top of Louis’ head, then turned to walk out the door as Liam and Niall both took turns hugging him before they too left.

Zayn moved over to sit right next to Louis, both hands in his pockets, sitting next to his still-crying friend as a silent guardian.


	9. Chapter 9

Four and half hours later, Zayn returned from a trip to the McDonalds across the street. Since Hazza had been taken away that afternoon, Louis had only moved enough the reposition himself by the window, where he now sat, watching cars trundle by on the street below. The sky outside was darkening and the tall, yellow street lights that lined the road began to flicker on one-by-one as the sun disappeared behind the purple-lit skyline of London. Louis hoped Hazza's life wasn't flickering out with the last glimmer of light that shone over the horizon

Zayn pulled up a chair on the other side of the bay window, so that they were a few meters apart, and threw one of the paper bags at Louis, who made no effort to catch it, instead letting it land next to his feet with a crinkling and a soft thud.

Zayn looked at him for a moment, his brow furrowed with concern, before breaking the silence of the room. “Harry’s right, you know. You should eat something, I know it’s hard, but...”

“I’m not hungry.” Louis murmured in reply.

“Lou...”

“I’m too worried to eat.” Louis said as he turned to look at Zayn with bloodshot eyes. "All I can do is just sit here and think about what might happen to her, what if she’s not ok?"

“I’m sure she will be.”

“You don’t know that.” Louis replied, turning to look back out the window.

They lapsed into silence as Zayn ate and a light snow began to fall over the dimming city. As Louis watched the small flakes drifting through the light cast by the street lamps he thought back to how happy he’d been the last time it snowed, just a few days before when he and Harry had been in their own little world. Now he felt like his entire world was falling apart. He wasn’t sure quite when, in the past week and a half, Hazza had become such a big part of his life, but now that something had happened to her, it was is if he was losing a member of his family.

As he thought about Hazza, the cat who, seemed so inextricably linked with the love of his life, on that operating table, at death’s door, he couldn’t help but think about what would happen if it were Harry who had a 50-50 chance between life and death. As the idea passed through his mind, he couldn't help the sense of panic that overtook him and his throat began to tighten.

Louis started to cough and choke as, once again, tears brimmed in his eyes and his hands began to shake. He felt an arm around his shoulder and a hand on his knee as Zayn came to surround him, the smell of cigarettes and shampoo enveloping Louis.

“It’s gonna be ok, Lou. Whatever happens you still have all of us.” He whispered softly .

"I could have saved her. If I hadn't gone out, or if I'd come back sooner." Louis felt as if he was adrift in a lonely ocean; he couldn't do anything to get Harry and he couldn't do anything to save Hazza. He put his head in his hands and sobbed at his own failure, his body heaving as Zayn rubbed his back and gently shushed him to calm him down.

Louis' grief was interrupted by a knock on the door frame. He looked up and saw a nurse standing in the doorway, holding a clipboard against the chest of her pink, polka-dotted scrubs.

She spoke in a soft voice, seeing Louis' tear-streaked voice. "Are you Mr. Tomlinson?"

"Yes." He replied, wiping his face on his sleeve and standing up.

"Your cat was just taken out of surgery, but there were some complications on the table, and she's been moved to the special-care ward. Dr. Newman is waiting there for you, If you'll just follow me."

They walked down the hallway in a straight line- the nurse, taking confident, brisk steps; Louis trailing after her reluctantly, scared at what he might find at the end of their walk and fighting back another wave of tears; and Zayn, quietly drifting after Louis, making sure to walk as close to his friend as possible.

They reached a clean, white door with no window and the letters "ICU" stamped into it in unforgiving black. The nurse stepped aside and looked back at Louis with sympathetic eyes.

"I'm sorry." She said, then pulled open the door with one hand to admit the two boys.

The room was lined with tables identical to the one in the previous room, a light hanging above each one and a crisp, white sheet laid on top.

The doctor stood by the table directly across from the door, a surgical mask pushed on to her forehead and a pale green medical apron hanging from her neck, the tie-strings dangling down by her legs.

On the table lay Hazza, a breathing tube still extending from her small nose to a tank on the floor. One side of her body had been shaved and a blood-soaked bandage covered the incision that ran from her shoulder to just above her thigh; a scarlet fissure that continued to sap the life out of her as it wept.

Louis hurried to the table, hovering over the kitten for a moment before looking up at Dr. Newman with close-knit eyebrows and shining eyes.

"How is she?" He asked.

"Well, there were some unforeseen obstacles that cropped up once we got in there." She replied in a serious, monotone voice.

"And?" Louis' voice was quiet now, close to breaking.

"Well, I'm afraid that it doesn't look good Mr. Tomlinson. The bleeding was much worse than expected and, while we were able to stop some of it, there isn't much else we can do to help her." The doctor stopped for a moment to clear her throat. "She's in a lot of pain now, and all I can really do is to give her something that will knock her out, so that she can go painlessly in her sleep." She paused again. "I'm very sorry."

Louis felt cold; as if his heart had cracked and a deep, icy chasm had opened in it; glacial and empty.

Sadness had not yet struck him, only an absolute coldness.

"Ok." He uttered shakily, in a nearly-inaudible whisper.

Zayn stepped up behind Louis and put an arm around his shoulder as he stared down at Hazza with blank eyes, his entire body trembling as his mind fell apart like a disintegrating, old building with nothing left to hold it together.

Dr. Newman turned around and opened a steel cabinet, retrieving a syringe and a glass bottle covered in small, black print. She uncovered the needle and stuck it through the lid of the bottle, drawing out some of the clear liquid and holding it up in front of her eyes to check for bubbles.

She returned to the table and looked back to Louis. "It will take 2 to 3 minutes for her to fall asleep once I inject the drug. Just tell me when you're ready."

Zayn spoke before Louis could. "Thank you, we just want to say goodbye first."

"Of course, take all the time you need."

Louis reached out a shaking hand to gently pet Hazza's head, who mewed as he touched her and tried to lift her head to look up at her owner.

He kneeled down next to the table and pulled on the sheet so that Hazza's head was moved over next to his face. "You've been the best kitten I could have ever asked for." Louis said in a broken voice. He placed his nose gently against the kitten's forehead, the first tear growing in his eye and then overflowing to roll down his cheek and land on the tip of her ear.

Hazza reached out one paw and batted gently at Louis' cheek, just as she had the first morning they had woken up together. Louis closed his eyes and pressed his face further into the kitten's soft fur, putting both his arms on the table and wrapping them around her small body. Hazza tried unsuccessfully to move her head, squeaking in pain as her body twisted, and nuzzle against Louis' cheek as his body spasmed with violent sobs and Zayn, who was crying softly himself, gently rubbed his friend's back.

Louis lifted his head slightly to look at Dr. Newman. "Will it hurt?"

She cleared her throat again. "No, she'll just feel warm."

He made eye contact with her and gave a small nod. She approached the kitten and Louis moved his arm to allow her to push the needle into Hazza's back and inject the liquid into her blood stream. She removed the syringe and backed away, giving them space.

"I will always remember you." Louis choked out, barely able to form coherent words. "And I will always, always love you, no matter what. I want you to know that. We'll never see each other again, but I'll always have you in my heart, my little kitten."

The kitten's eyes began to droop as she curled into Louis' arms. Her face relaxed into a look of contentedness as she drifted towards sleep as peacefully as she always had. Louis didn't want her to go, but he knew it was better because she wouldn't be hurting anymore. She looked up at him with sleepy eyes and yawned slightly as she slipped away slowly.

"I'll think about you every day, and I'll miss you a little more every time."

As her small eyes closed for the very last time, Louis whispered two words into her ear, his voice finally faltering, forcing him to push the sound out in a quietly desperate attempt to say goodbye.

"Goodnight Hazza."

xx

_Do not stand at my grave and weep_   
_I am not there. I do not sleep._   
_I am a thousand winds that blow._   
_I am the diamond glints on snow._   
_I am the sunlight on ripened grain._   
_I am the gentle autumn rain._   
_When you awaken in the morning's hush_   
_I am the swift uplifting rush_   
_Of quiet birds in circled flight._   
_I am the soft stars that shine at night._   
_Do not stand at my grave and cry;_   
_I am not there. I did not die._

_~Mary Elizabeth Frye_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, it's time for some shameless self-promotion. If you like Doctor Who as well as One Direction, you should go follow my tumblr at louandhazzainthetardis.tumblr.com


	10. Chapter 10

It was dawn and the snow was melting.

The crisp, white layer of crystalline ice which had previously decorated the streets and buildings of London gave way to large puddles of cold slush, dirtied by the passing cars and foot traffic until it was a dark brownish-grey.

It filled the gutters, half-melted and splashing up on to the city-dwellers who walked the bland sidewalks, endlessly streaming past each other as they continued on into the endless, insipid landscape.

Droplets of water ran off the melting icicles that hung from the edge of every building, falling to land in the frigid slurry that covered the pavement below. It was as if the world was in mourning; crying icy tears as the wind howled in lamentation.

It was the day after Hazza's death and Louis was planted on the couch in his living room. He had been there since they arrived home the night before- incapable of moving and unwilling to try. The kitten's body remained at the veterinary hospital to be cremated. Harry had planned a small ceremony the night before with the other boys, and tomorrow they would all pile into a car and drive out to Louis' favourite park to scatter her ashes

Louis didn't want to go to the funeral. He knew that if he went he would be acknowledging that Hazza was gone, that he would never hear her little mew, that he would never watch her side rise and fall gently as she slept peacefully on the pillow next to him, that he would never see the cheeky glint that came into her hazel eyes when she wanted to play, that he would never feel her soft fur against his cheek as he drifted off while watching the tv. It seemed stupid that he was so upset about a cat, but he couldn't help it, somewhere in a blur of purrs and scratches she had found her way into his heart.

He had been on the verge of tears since Hazza's eyes had closed, his eyes constantly wet and his face twitching occasionally as he thought about the kitten. He was staring at the blank screen of the large television that took up the wall opposite where he sat, unable to move as grief struck him, pushing him aggressively down like the unrelenting waves on a stormy day.

His chest was empty, his entire torso being sucked into itself as the twisting hole where his heart should have been pulled at his body and soul. He couldn't begin to fathom the depths to which he missed Hazza, as even the slightest thought of her caused a stabbing pang of sorrow to pierce him like one of the icicles that wept in tandem with him.

Harry entered the room, rubbing sleep out of his eyes and yawning. He was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a black beanie that only partially covered his hair, leaving curls to stick out from underneath it. His bare chest was blushed and covered in lines made by the creases in his sheets. He walked over and sat down next to Louis, who continued to stare ahead, not registering Harry's arrival.

Harry reached out a tentative hand to touch Louis' shoulder, who flinched away, looking up at him with a look of surprise.

"How're you feeling?" Asked Harry.

Louis said nothing, instead keeping his eyes locked on a spot in between Harry's, his face showing no signs of recognition.

"It's ok to be upset, you know."

Louis remained silent.

“You still have your family and the other boys and me. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Harry reached out to grab Louis’ hand and then laid back against the arm of the couch, pulling the older boy with him so that Louis’ head rested on his chest. Harry let go of Louis’ hand and put both of arms around his torso, nuzzling his cheek against the top of Louis’ head.

Louis could hear Harry’s steady heart beat as he lay an ear against his strong chest. Tears began to flow freely from his eyes as Harry squeezed him tighter, whispering softly into his hair. “It’s gonna be ok, Lou, I’m here, I’m right here and I’ll be here for as long as you need me, and even after you don’t.”

“Thanks.” He replied in a breathless, defeated voice. “I know it’ll get better... but I just miss her, you know? I just really miss her.”

“I know, it hurts, but it’ll get better.”

“Yeah...”

“I invited over the other boys today, I thought we could watch a movie or something, does that sound good? I can text them if you’re not feeling up to it.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice...” Louis said, his voice still barely rising above a whisper, as he kept his face buried in Harry’s chest.

xx

The boys arrived later that day in the early afternoon, heralded by the sound of bickering from the front hall.

“You did it on purpose!” Said Niall in an annoyed voice.

“I did not, I just slipped and fell into you!” Replied Zayn irritably.

“He pushed me over! You saw it, right Liam?"

“I am not getting in the middle of this, I saw nothing."

“We all saw it! Zayn pushed me on purpose.” Niall pouted.

“And why, exactly, would I push you on purpose?”

“You’ve always been jealous of my hair!”

The three boys entered the room, Zayn and a rather wet Niall still arguing under their breath, to find Louis and a, now, fully-clothed Harry sitting on the couch, wrapped in a large blanket and watching tv.

Louis’ eyes were still red and puffy, though he had stopped crying a few hours before, and his face still drooped, though perhaps not as much as it had that morning.  
They looked up as the other three entered the room, and Harry stood to go hug Liam and Zayn.

“What happened?” He asked, seeing Niall.

"Zayn fuckin' pushed me into a puddle of slush!"

"I didn't push him, I slipped on the street and knocked him over." Said Zayn, looking at Harry with a look of annoyance at Niall's continuous

"And then he fuckin' laughed about it!"

"Well it was funny!"

During this conversation, Liam went over to sit next to Louis on the couch.

"You feeling ok?" He asked Louis, putting his arm around his shoulder.

"Not really." Replied Louis quietly. "Not right now at least, I will be though. I think."

The other three had stopped talking and now were all looking over at the couch with worried expressions darkening their faces.

Liam looked between them and Louis. "Well I think I can speak for all of us when I say that the four of us are here to help you get through this. We love you and we'll do everything we can to support you, just like always."

Louis looked up at the others and found three small smiles glowing warmly down at him.

Niall broke the silence. "Well, t'ere's no use in standin' around here moping all t'e damn day, is there? Let's 'ave some fun!"

Zayn and Harry answered with a raucous yell of agreement.

"We should probably start by getting you out of those clothes." Liam said to Niall.

"Wow, this is really getting fun now." Said Zayn.

Liam looked up at him with a decidedly unamused look on his face. "You know what I mean, you bloody tosser."

"And Liam's swearing! What a party this is turning out to be."

xx

After Niall got out of his wet clothes, refusing to put on pajamas Harry offered him and instead sitting next to Liam in nothing but his damp boxers to get back at him for making him change, Harry made three bags of popcorn and the five of them sat down to watch Hercules, which they settled on after Zayn and Niall objected to watching Grease for the thousandth time.

Half way through the movie, Niall began showing off his muscles next to the tv. "I could totally take t'at guy, aye?" He asked as he clenched his teeth and tried to make his biceps as big as Hercules'.

"He's a demigod, mate, I don't know." Said Harry.

"Oh come on, look at t'is." He said pointing to his scrawny leg. "T'at is pure, 100% Irish beef right t'ere, t'at is." He flexed again, groaning in his best impersonation of a body builder.

Harry looked over at Louis and caught a smile briefly lighting up his melancholy face. Louis caught him looking and Harry smiled at his best friend.

 _Maybe things will actually be ok_ Louis thought to himself.


	11. Chapter 11

Four months had passed since Hazza's death and Louis had gotten better.

Happiness had slowly trickled into him like liquid sunlight at first, its flow increasing to a torrential flood as one person had pulled him out of the dark; Harry.

Harry had been there for Louis every day, making him breakfast and asking how he was feeling that morning- always ready with a joke, a smile, and a hug when Louis replied with his usual 'Not great.'

Harry had made sure Louis was never alone too long, staying home with him or making sure one of the other boys or another friend was there to take him out and try to cheer him up. 

Whenever Louis would pull into himself and sit in silence, staring at the TV, Harry would sit with him, pulling him under one long arm and trying to convey how much love he felt at that moment.

When Louis broke down, Harry would be his shoulder to cry on, rubbing his back as he quietly whispered over and over again how things were going to get better- and they did.

Louis started to smile more, to laugh a little, to show an interest in going out on the weekends. Thoughts of Hazza started to slip from his mind on occasion, and afterwards he would feel guilty, like he had left her alone. Harry told him that it was ok to forget about her sometimes, that he didn't need to torture himself with grief, and eventually he started to believe him. He got better, and he started to burn a little brighter again, to regain the shining demeanor that he usually carried around with him, so by the time Christmas came, he was the old Louis again.

Harry and his family had come to stay at Louis' house for two weeks, so all ten of them squeezed into the house, and Louis and Harry ended up sharing a room together and sleeping in the same bed. Louis fell in love with Harry a little more every day as they sat around in their pajamas, always laughing over some stupid joke. They baked with the girls and danced around the house, singing bad pop songs loudly. Every night they would all snuggle up in the sitting room to watch a movie, usually one made by Disney at the insistence of all of the Tomlinson children, including Louis. 

Louis loved how good Harry was with his little sisters, and he would just watch them all play together, cackling as the twins put him in princess makeup. They would all go out to go on walks into town and look through the shops, Jay, Anne, Gemma, and Lottie dragging everyone else around to look at piles of dresses which they tried on but never bought.

At the end of each day Harry and Louis would fall into bed, exhausted and happy, and drift to sleep in each other's arms, Louis' heart simultaneously bursting with joy and aching every time he felt Harry's beat against his cheek.

Christmas morning was the happiest Louis could remember. They all grabbed mugs of cocoa and ate Christmas Cookies as carols played softly from the radio. Harry helped Daisy and Phoebe distribute gifts to everyone, all three wearing matching Santa hats and doing a little dance when they presented a neatly-wrapped present.

The other boys were over for a week after Christmas Day, and the rest of the house's inhabitants had to keep yelling at them to keep it down as they guffawed loudly from Louis' room. They spent their time playing video games and eating mountains of junk food as they lay, sprawled over each other in a pajama-clad mess of limbs and quiffs.

Over the next few months Louis continued to fall deeper for Harry, deciding eventually to just ignore his feelings until they went away, something that turned out to be easier said than done. His love grew stronger every day, fighting it's way out of the darkness and towards the gentle glow of happiness.

It was a Saturday night and Louis was alone in the flat baking cookies, something that Harry never let him do. It had turned out that Harry had been right again. Every surface in the kitchen was speckled with a dusting of flour, and the remnants of Louis' first attempt at dough still lay spilled across the tile.

Louis had managed to get two trays of oddly-shaped chocolate chip cookies into the oven and was now standing at the sink and staring out the window above the counter. He couldn't keep a stupid grin off his face. He and Harry had spent the day out together, grabbing lunch and then a long walk through the park before going to the cinema to see some new action film, which Louis had actually rather enjoyed.

All day, Louis face had crinkled as he looked at Harry's bright, green eyes, his heart melting. He felt like he was standing on the edge of a large precipice, and the wind was pushing at his back, urging him to let go and to fall completely in love with his best friend, to acknowledge that he probably always was, and he was doing his best to hold himself back even as he leaned further and further forward

The sounds of jingling keys echoed from the front hall, marking Harry's return from dinner at his friend's house. He had asked Louis to come, but the older boy had decided to stay home and make cookies to surprise Harry.

Louis heard a soft mew and froze. For a moment he forget that Hazza was gone, and imagined her prancing her way into the room, tail held high and a sock clamped proudly in her small mouth. His throat clenched and he balled his hands into fists as he felt dark fog rising in his chest again as it had months before. He felt a sudden panic as he tried to force down the emotion that was clawing its way back into his mind, pulling him down into shadow again.

His eyes filled briefly with tears before he hastily wiped them away with the heel of his hand and turned to find Harry standing in the doorway to the kitchen, holding a cat carrier in one hand and a number of grocery bags in the other, his eyes filled with worry.

He dropped everything and ran forward to pull Louis into a tight hug before backing up to hold him at arm's length, a hand on each shoulder.

"Is everything ok? Did something happen? Is it your Mum? Did something happen to your sisters? Why are you crying? Do you need to lie down?" Harry stammered, his words tripping over themselves as they tumbled over his tongue in a panic.

Louis shook his head. "I'm fine, I'm fine." He looked up at Harry, smiling genuinely. "I promise. It was just the mewing and I thought about her and I..."

Harry pulled him into another hug. "I'm sorry, I should have thought before I brought him home..."

"And who exactly is he?" Asked Louis, laughing as he stepped away to wipe his eyes again.

"Oh! Well I was at my mate Ahmed's moving party, which basically turned into us packing all his stuff for him, but anyways. Where was I? Oh right the cat. Well he couldn't have a pet in his new place, so he asked if I wanted to take Alvin, his name's Alvin by the way, and I said sure, cause I figured you'd like having a cat in the house because I'm stupid and I didn't think and I can take him back if you want me to because I know that you..." He trailed off, as Louis started to cry again. "Are you-" He started cautiously, but was interrupted as Louis launched himself forward, wrapping his arms tight around Harry's middle and squeezing him as hard as he could.

Eventually he let go and turned his gaze up to Harry "I'd love having a cat again."

"Ok." Said Harry, his face splitting into a giant smile and staring at Louis with glowing eyes.

"Well..." Said Louis after a few seconds of silence. "Can I meet Alvin?"

"Oh, right! The cat!" He replied flusteredly, moving to the cat carrier and bending down to slide the lock up and pull open the wire door. A dark brown head poked out, followed by a sleek body that faded to creme and then a dark tail. His caramel paws clicked on the tile as he crept tentatively into the room.

Louis reached out a hand and hung the fingers a half a meter in front of Alvin. The cat regarded them inquisitively before moving up close to them and sniffing, tickling Louis slightly with his small exhales. After a moment of thought, he seemed to deem Louis as friendly and pushed his head under the hand, rubbing himself up Louis' arm and to his face, where he leaned in and pressed his nose to Louis' mouth.

"Did he just kiss you?" Asked Harry incredulously.

"Yeah, yeah I think he did." Said Louis with a smile as he pet Alvin on the head, running his hand down the length of his back and feeling his smooth, lightly coloured fur. He looked into the cat's eyes and noticed that they were a clear, crystal blue; bluer than any eyes Louis had ever seen before.

"You sure are special, aren't you?" Whispered Louis to Alvin, picking him up and holding him like a baby who looked up at him with big eyes.

"So... do you like him?" Asked Harry quietly.

"Yeah, I do, yeah." Louis replied. He looked up to to find Harry staring back down at him, looking so pleased with himself that he might explode, a cute little smile lighting up his entire face and carving dimples into his round, reddened cheeks. He was pressing at the seams with pride and it took all of Louis' self-control to not leap up and kiss him.

And there, as Louis gazed into the face of the boy he loved, he felt himself give in to the warm wind that nudged at his back and fall down, down, down into a place he had never let himself go before- a place where his love for Harry washed over him and filled him up to the brim, cascading out of his grin and leaving him lightheaded and more than a little giddy.

He knew it would lead to nothing but heartache, but he couldn't restrain himself, he needed to live in the light of love, not push it back into the recesses of his mind. He felt saturated in warmth and alive and happy and like nothing would ever be the same again. No matter what happened in his future, all he knew was that right here, in this moment, with Harry, he was bright and full and nothing could stop that.

"Do you smell something burning?" Said Harry, his face scrunching into his nose as he sniffed the warm air.

"Oh bloody hell!" Louis yelled as he jumped up, causing Alvin to roll to the floor and hurtle back into the cat carrier.

Louis ran to the oven and pulled it open, using a dishtowel to remove the two baking sheets and throw them on to the counter with a clatter of metal on stone. "God damnit, god fucking damnit."

Harry had started laughing hysterically and was now clinging to the counter to keep himself standing. Louis threw the towel at him, waving his hands frantically over top of the cookies to clear the smoke. "You're an asshole, Harry Styles. I made these for you! I was trying to say thanks for... for you know, the past few months and you know..."

Harry's laughter died down and he walked over to Louis. "I love them Lou, and look." He said, lifting up a cookie from one of the trays. "They're not burnt, just browned." He smiled.

"Ok, I guess, I just wanted to surprise you... god damnit..."

"Well I was definitely very surprised." Said Harry with a giggle.

They spent the evening playing with Alvin, who turned out to be very energetic once they got him out of his carrier again. They sat on the carpet in Harry's room for an hour, throwing a ball of string in between them for the cat for chase while they joked about Niall's attempts at being smooth with girls, their laughter ringing around the flat.

As Louis got into bed that night, Alvin jumped up on the matress and laid down on the pillow Hazza used to sleep on. Louis stared up at the ceiling, imagining the small, mottled kitten and, for the first time, the thought of her didn't make him feel so empty. The corners of his mouth stretched into a small smile as he whispered to the room. "Don't worry, I still love you most of all. Goodnight Hazza." 

xx

_Author’s Note:_ **Sorry again about the delay on this chapter, guys!! I was in the hospital and then my Dad moved out and I have college auditions next week (AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!) so everything's a little crazy! I'm sad to say that this is the second to last chapter of "Goodnight Hazza"! I promise chapter 12 will be right on time and then you can expect a short epilogue following quickly after :) As always thanks for reading, comment if you liked it! <3 xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- This Chapter Contains Smut.

Louis sat in his pajamas across from Harry, both eating breakfast. Their conversation was slow and torpid, both just a little too tired to form sentences and very comfortable leaving long silences between their responses.

Harry had on nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants and Louis was having trouble focusing on his food as his curly-haired flatmate leaned back in his chair, toned abs stretching out as he did so. Alvin wandered lackadaisically under the table, rubbing against their legs and purring softly.

Louis was acutely aware of just how content he was to sit with Harry on a lazy Sunday morning, simply enjoying each other’s company as a hazy warmth settled around them like a gently glowing cloud of golden light. However, despite being so relaxed, the ever familiar feeling of unrequited love still hovered above him, its dark wings spread open.

Since he had given himself up to loving Harry, his secret had been pushing against the walls of his body, threatening to break them down if it wasn’t released soon. He knew he had to tell Harry, and he knew that he wanted to to, but he didn’t know if he could. He was so afraid, more afraid than he could ever remember being in his entire life. It was fear that Harry would no longer want to be his friend, fear that the band would fall apart and they would lose everything, but even more than that, it was fear of the inevitable.

He was afraid that Harry wouldn't feel the same.

He knew he wouldn’t, but he had been hoping that he would never have to know for sure, that this whole thing could just pass and leave them to go back to the way life had been before. But that couldn’t happen. Louis wouldn’t move past Harry. He couldn’t move past Harry. He had to tell him, otherwise he didn’t know what he would do. He felt as if he was forced up against a dam, like soon his feelings would gush out, drenching his entire world in inevitable misery.

Louis caught himself staring at Harry, who hadn’t noticed, his eyes closed contentedly. He shook himself, deciding he needed to get away from Harry before he blurted out something he would regret later. He picked up his phone off the polished wooden surface of the table and, pretending he had a text waiting for him, mimed a reply.

“Who is it?” Asked Harry.

“Just a friend.” Lied Louis. “They asked if I wanted to go to lunch, that is if you don’t mind me going out.”

“Hey, it isn’t my decision what you do, I understand if you don’t want to spend the day with me.” Harry sniffed dramatically before grinning at Louis, who giggled in response.

Louis stood, picking up their plates and taking them to the sink before walking out of the kitchen and down the hall to his room. He threw on some jeans and then went to Harry’s room to grab a sweatshirt off the floor and pull it over his head it over his head, letting the familiar, masculine scent wash over him, making him smile briefly bending up the corners of his mouth as he imagined Harry’s arms wrapping around him.

He went back down the hall and found his flatmate on the couch in the den, Alvin curled on his bare chest, as the cartoons playing on the tv threw muted sounds into the room.

“I’m off.” Said Louis brightly, reaching over the back of the couch to pet the cat and toussle Harry’s curls.

Harry turned his head to look up at him, putting on his puppy dog face. “You’re sure you don’t want to stay in?”

“You’ll be ok.” Replied Louis. “You have Alvin to keep you company.”

“Fine, see you later then.” He kissed his hand and stretched his arm up to press his fingers into Louis’ cheek, making his heart skip a beat.

“Ta.” Louis smiled down at Harry again before he turned and walked to the foyer, pulling open the door and stepping out into the bright sunshine.

It was almost April, and the final snowfall of winter had melted a week before, leaving the London streets once again completely exposed for the first time since the day that Harry and Louis had first gone to The Cinnamon Nook. The roads were rather busy, crowds of people walking leisurely down the sun-warmed pavement, coming and going from place to place in the vast, sprawling city.

Louis stopped for a moment on the stoop outside their door, pushing up the sleeves of Harry’s sweatshirt and looking down at the sea of heads that milled about in front of him. It was as if the city had finally woken from its wintery sleep and its inhabitants had returned to life once again. He bounced down to the the steps to the street and joined the flow of foot traffic, not quite knowing where he was heading, but knowing that a long walk would do him good.

He felt that today was the day on which the world wanted him to tell Harry, like the air itself was whispering to him, imploring him to relive himself of this burden, to finally let the words out. He needed to talk to someone, to figure out how he would say it, whether or not he should say it at all, so he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Liam.

_10:43 Louis_   
_Can you meet me at the Cinnamon Nook in about 20 minutes?_

_10:45 Liam_   
_sure, c u ther_

He slipped the phone back into his pocket and turned down a sidestreet to make his way to the bakery. As he walked along the sidewalk, watching the brick buildings that loomed on both sides of him slip away as his feet stepped one after another, he tried to stop his heart from beating out of his chest in anticipation. Now that he had decided to tell Harry he felt an overwhelming combination of giddiness and throat-tightening nerves at the prospect.

He reached the Cinnamon Nook and pushed open the door, the small bell tinkling lightly as he entered the small bakery. Louis had first come here in the winter, when it was filled with warmth and wrapped up in cosy, dim light, but now it was different; brighter. Sunshine poured in through the large window, encompassing the bakery in golden rays that played off every surface, trickling into even the furthest corners. It reflected off the glass display case under the counter and filled the small sitting area with a sense of joy and buoyant vitality as it bounced in between the mismatched furniture.

Since Hazza’s death, the boys had spent a lot of time at the bakery, getting to know Kara’s parents and trying as much as they could from the selection of desserts. Louis liked it here, he liked how none of the furniture made sense, he liked how the menu seemed to change drastically every day, and he liked how Kara’s mother, Paula, always brought him a cup of Earl Grey whenever he came in without even asking.

The bakery was full today, every couch and ottoman inhabited by groups of people smiling and laughing as they drank coffee from large, colourful mugs. He scanned the room and spotted Liam sitting in a bright-yellow wicker chair at a round, white-washed table right next to the window, bathed in light. He walked over, shaking his head and smiling; of course Liam had chosen this table. After all, that’s who he was, all sunshine and smiles and baby blue on the inside. He might not be quite as innocent as their fans thought, he did have a crazy side, but at his core he was kind and it shone out of his every pore.

Louis approached his friend, warm sunlight dancing around him, and took a seat in the large, powder-blue armchair that sat across the table from him.

“Hello!” Said Liam cheerfully, pushing a steaming mug of tea towards Louis, who picked it up gratefully and took a sip.

“Hey.”

“So why’d you want me to meet you? Is everything ok?” Liam said, setting down his own mug and leaning forward on his elbows to look intently at Louis.

“Yeah, everything’s fine, I just...” Louis paused, even just saying the idea out loud was scarier than he thought it could be. “I think I’m going to tell Harry today.”

“You mean?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh...” Liam murmured, surprise evident in his voice.

“Well, what do you think?”

Liam thought for a moment, looking straight through Louis in concentration. “Well, I think it’s a good idea.” He said finally.

“Really?” Louis was a little taken aback, he’d been expecting objection. 

"Yeah, really. That is, I think you need to. I've had about enough of seeing you miserable any time Harry's not around, and then pining whenever he is. Everyone else has too, I think. You're not the best at hiding your feelings."

Louis laughed. "Yeah, I've noticed that."

"Anyways, Zayn and Niall and I all think Harry loves you back. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, you said before, I still don't believe it though. I'm expecting rejection, but I just can't hold it in any longer, I feel like I'm going crazy with so much locked up in here." He said.

"Well I still think it's a good idea, though you do have to be ready. There is a chance, not saying that I believe it, but it's still a possibility, that he is straight, and even if he's not, he might not be ready to admit it to himself let alone anyone else. You may have to be patient, it could be rough for a while either way."

"I know, I think I'm ready." Louis paused."Even if I'm not, I don't really have much of a choice at this point."

"Ok, well, just remember that everyone will still love you just as much as they do now, even Harry, though it may take some time for him to show it again. You can't lose him, there's no way you two could ever survive without each other. You're like no other pair of people I've ever known, whether it's as friends or more, you guys have something special and Harry's not just going to throw that away."

"Thanks, I really hope you're right. I'm so scared, Li."

"Don't be. You're following your heart, and Mum always told me that if you followed your heart it would always lead you to where you're meant to be."

They continued to talk for some time, Liam reassuring Louis again and again that everything was going to be fine. As they stood to leave the bakery, Liam pulled him into a tight hug, strong arms wrapping around small shoulders, and held on even when Louis started to pull away.

“Call me if something bad happens, you’re always welcome to come stay the night at mine.” He said finally, his eyes wide and sincere. He then pulled Louis in again and planted a kiss on his mouth; his soft, full lips pressing briefly against Louis’. He stepped back, looking quite sheepish. “For good luck... you know. Don’t tell Danielle.” He laughed.

“Yeah.” Said Louis, smiling as his cheeks turned slightly pink.

They left and walked out onto the sidewalk, hugging again quickly before Liam caught a cab back home.

Louis walked away from The Cinnamon Nook, taking small steps as he gazed up towards the sky, watching a flock of birds fly by like little toy ships drifting along on a sea of clear blue.

He went to the park and spent a few hours there, watching people go by with their kids and imagining what it would be like if that were him and Harry, happy and carefree together. Maybe one day they would have kids and settle down, after One Direction had run its course. They could buy a little house and spend their days walking through the woods and reading by the fire. He sighed, reluctantly pushing the blissful images out of his mind, knowing it would never happen and that thinking about it would only make things hurt all the more.

He stood, unable to watch any more, and walked away from the bench he had been sitting on, returning back to the busy street as the shadows began to lengthen.

As Louis moved through the warren of buildings, night crept in quickly and quietly, stealing the sun away and shrouding the world in a tranquil, star-speckled quilt of charcoal that lay glittering over the city. Along the winding roads, lights appeared in streetlamps, creating delicate circles on the ground, darkness wrapping around the shimmering pools of gold.

Louis eventually found his way back to the flat and went inside, taking a moment to brace himself at the door in preparation for seeing Harry. He found the apartment dark and empty except for Alvin, who was fast asleep on the couch in the den, apparently having stayed there all day.

He went over and sat down next to the sleeping cat, lifting him off the cushion he was lying on and placing him gingerly on his own lap, being careful not to wake him up.

“What do you think, Alvin? You think it’s time?”

Alvin’s sides continued to rise and fall slowly, ears twitching in his sleep. Louis remembered how he had felt so crazy the first time he had talked to Hazza, like she could understand him. Now it felt so normal to him, like it would be odd if he didn’t and just ignored the cat.

“I know I haven’t known you for very long, but I trust you, you seem like a standup sort of cat.” Louis said. “I’m going to tell him, Alvin. I’m going to tell him I love him.”

“Tell who?” Asked a raspy, deep voice that Louis knew only too well.

Louis jumped up, whipping around to look behind himself and displacing Alvin, who fell to the ground with a loud meow and darted out of the room.

Harry was standing in the opening to the foyer, leather jacket still on, dark blue scarf unwound halfway from around his neck, looking at Louis with a curious, slightly confused look on his face. He walked around to the side of the couch so they were only a few feet apart, taking off the scarf as he came and throwing it into a chair.

“I... um...” Stammered Louis, completely lost for words. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Yeah, well, here I am.” Said Harry, sounding more and more bewildered. “So who are you going to tell you love them?”

“Um, well... I...” Louis was panicking, his throat had completely closed up and his heart was beating at an incredible speed, making him sure he was on the verge of collapsing. He tried to form words, but his tongue was suddenly dry and heavy like a piece of meat lying in his mouth; completely useless.

Harry was still staring at him, looking worried now as Louis flapped his mouth open and shut, trying desperately to say anything at all. “Lou?”

He finally managed coherence and suddenly fragments started tumbling out. “Yeah, um, I was... I was going to... You, Harry, it’s you.......... I love you.” He finished determinedly, looking down at the ground.

Louis heard himself say the words as if he was very far away, like the whole entire universe had rolled up into a tiny little ball and he was hovering above it, looking down at himself and Harry. Every part of time and space collapsed into their flat, that room, the distance between them; squeezing together as if nothing else had ever existed or would ever exist, making that moment Louis’ only reality. He had never felt so vulnerable or so exposed as he did just then, waiting for a response to everything he had to give inside.

He looked up into Harry’s face, and found it covered with tears. He was looking at Louis like he had been broken, like his entire being had fractured and left behind nothing but that terrible glistening in his eyes. Louis’s mind was racing. He tripped forward a few steps towards Harry, his whole body trembling, and then stopped, unable to go any closer, frozen. He didn’t know why Harry was crying, but he knew was that he needed him to stop, that he had never been more terrified in his life.

He opened his mouth again. “Harry, I’m sor...”

Harry lifted a hand to stop Louis and they stood there for what felt like an eternity, tears cresting in their eyes and rolling down their cheeks, before Harry parted his lips slowly, carefully like it was the most important thing he would ever do in his existence, and softly uttered the four words that Louis never thought he would hear. “I love you too.”

Louis swore his heart stopped for a moment when he heard Harry say those words for the first of what would be many times,

“You mean...?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Said Harry, his voice a little louder now.

“Since when?”

“The day we met.”

Louis was suddenly very aware of the space between himself and Harry and how much we wanted to close it. Before he could move, Harry took the initiative and, in one large stride, closed the distance, dropping his jacket to the ground as he moved quickly towards Louis.

They collided and it was like fireworks- torsos pressing together as lips crashed into each other. Harry wrapped his long arms completely around Louis, cradling his head in one large hand and moving the other up and down his back. Harry tasted just slightly of alcohol and cherry lip balm, his scent completely engulfing Louis.

Louis felt his lips part as Harry pulled on the back of his head and pushed his tongue into his mouth, wrapping it around his and sucking gently. They kissed like they would never kiss again, biting at each other's lips and drawing everything they could out of the other.

Harry's mouth was bigger than Louis' and he took over, tugging Louis out through his mouth and pulling hard at him. Louis could taste salt on his tongue and he wasn't sure if it was tears or blood from a bitten lip, but he didn't care. All he cared about was that he could feel Harry's soft lips around his own, covering him up and taking everything.

Louis felt blood rush to his crotch as he ground it slowly against Harry's own growing erection through jeans. Harry's hand had wandered down and was now resting on Louis' ass, completely cupping one cheek and squeezing it hard as he pushed their bodies closer together.

He slipped a hand under the waist of Louis' jeans and felt his warm, round backside through his thin boxer briefs. Louis put his hand on Harry's large, strong chest and slid it down, lifting up his shirt and rubbing his palm over tight abs, feeling them convulse as they continued to grind.

Harry separated their mouths and whispered into Louis' ear, almost frantically, his deep voice shooting through Louis' entire body and making him give even further into Harry. "I love you."

Louis shivered and slid his down Harry's stomach to his jeans, rubbing his large erection through the rough fabric as Harry put a hand on his shoulder, gently pressuring Louis down to his knees, who dropped willingly.

He used both hands on Harry's cock, running them along his bulge before slowly undoing the button and zipping down his fly, teasing Harry and looking up at him. Louis pulled the jeans down a bit as Harry placed a hand on his head, threading his fingers into his soft hair and gently pushing him into his crotch.

Louis obliged and started to palm Harry's cock through the tent his boxers had created. He bit it lightly, using his lips to cover his teeth, and ran his tongue over the fabric covering the head.

Finally, he hooked all of his fingers over the waistband of Harry's boxers, feeling the smooth skin underneath them, and pulled them down. Harry's long cock bounced up from under the fabric, bobbing in front of Louis. It was thick and straight and smooth, the foreskin pulled back halfway from the throbbing head. Large, shaved balls hung down below it, pulling up slightly every time Harry exhaled sharply.

Louis reached out one hand to tentatively wrap his fingers the thick base, and slid them up the length, squeezing harder as he reached the head. Harry pushed again, moving Louis' mouth close to the intimidating shaft. He opened his lips and slid them over the tip, moving down the shaft and taking about a quarter of it in, exploring the tip with his tongue as the foreskin slid back the rest of the way in his mouth. It tasted sweet and masculine, the smooth skin slipping by under his lips

Harry moaned, deep and quiet, pushing a little more as Louis tasted salty precum begin to course out of him. He pulled back, leaving just the very end resting loosely between his lips and moving his fingers up and down. He took his other hand and played with Harry's balls, pulling on them and squeezing them gently in his palm.

He felt Harry push again and looked up at his hungry face.

"Can I?" He asked Louis.

Louis nodded, taking Harry's other hand and putting it on the back of his own head. He relaxed his throat as Harry took fistfuls of his hair and brought his hips forward aggressively, jamming his cock down all the way down Louis' throat and grunting gutturally as the skin of his pelvis pressed into Louis' nose.

Louis liked the feeling of Harry taking complete and control, and he started to rub himself through his pants with one hand as Harry continued to snap his body and thrust down his throat. Louis' other hand was desperately roaming as much of Harry's torso as he could reach, feeling the tense, strong muscle.

Harry was moaning loudly and now and pulling Louis' hair. He suddenly stopped as he reached the end of a thrust and kept his shaft all the way down Louis' throat.

Louis breathed through his nose, smelling sweat on Harry's skin, as he held him there, gasping breath in and out quickly. Eventually he let Louis go and pulled him to his feet again, kissing his swollen lips passionately. He stopped for a moment to take of his own shirt to reveal his slim, muscled body, then reached down with one arm under Louis' knees and scooped him up, kissing him again as he carried him out of the room.

They went down the hall and Harry slammed open the door to his own bedroom, taking Louis to the unmade bed and dropping him there, falling on top of him and smashing their mouths together again.

They stopped for a moment as Harry pulled Louis' shirt over his head and then dropped back down to kiss his neck, biting bruises into pale skin. He sucked down his chest and stomach, eventually reaching his waist, and, in one motion, pulled down his jeans and underwear before engulfing Louis' cock in his large mouth.

Louis writhed as Harry's smooth, pink lips moved quickly and sloppily up and down his shaft. He grabbed the bed sheet as Harry reached up pinched his nipples between long fingers. 

Harry then pulled off Louis' pants completely before putting his shoulders under Louis' thighs and lifting them up.

Louis didn't know what was coming, and spasmed as Harry buried his tongue deep between his ass cheeks, licking his pink hole. His tongue slid up and down the length of skin between Louis' cock and the top of his ass. He made small circles around the hole before jamming his long, thick tongue in as deep as it would go, Louis squirming and moaning breathily as Harry stimulated the sensitive area.

Harry continued to eat him out, a small smile on his face as he did so, perfectly happy to continue pleasuring Louis.

After a few minutes of ecstacy, Louis reached down and pulled him up by his curls, looking into his eyes.

"I need you." He gasped out breathlessly.

Harry nodded and stood, dropping his pants to the ground, and went to his dresser, leaving Louis helpless on the bed. He returned with a small bottle of lube and squeezed some onto his fingertips, setting the bottle aside. He put his hand against Louis and gently massaged the gel into his ass, rubbing it out and over the cheeks until he was all slippery.

He took the tip of his long, thin middle finger and played around the rim before pushing it in, making Louis gasp. He crooked it up and pushed against the prostate, Louis' cock jumping as he shoved it in and out quickly. He took his pointer finger and pushed it in as well, followed soon after by his third and fourth, the tendons in his arm standing out as Louis stretched out, pliable under his hand.

Eventually, after the slippery hole was loose and begging, Harry removed his fingers, standing up and looking at Louis.

"Please." Louis said.

Harry rolled him over and positioned the tip of his cock at Louis' entrance, a hand on each of his ass cheeks, spreading them open.

Louis whimpered needfully and Harry took that as permission to slowly move forward, pushing inside and feeling Louis' tight, warm ring squeeze around his cock as his shaft slid past the slippery skin.

He pulled in and out a few times slowly before the speed of his thrusts, pushing deeper into Louis each time, thighs coming flush to his ass with a smack. Louis was moaning loudly, grabbing fists of the sheet as his toes curled with pleasure.

Harry started panting and bent it back over to kiss Louis' neck as his balls hit Louis' ass rhythmically  cock pumping in and out. Louis felt his hot breath on his ear as Harry whispered into his ear. " _Fuck, Lou..."_

Harry pulled out and rolled Louis back over, inserting his cock again and resuming his thrusts, bending over and kissing Louis. He went slowly now, careful to keep himself from coming to early. Louis loved his control, his sexy, fluid thrusts that hit his sweet spot every time. He reached up with both hands and felt Harry's muscled back tensing with every push.

He felt himself start to near orgasm and reached down to grab his cock and stroke it a few times, pushing himself over the edge as cum spurted out in long ribbons that shot between their panting chests. His ass tensed around Harry's large cock with every wave, making him speed up again, relishing in the pressure.

Harry bit down hard on his collar and smashed against Louis in one last thrust that left them both sort but made Harry grunt loudly from low in his throat; animalistic and utterly masculine.

Louis felt his insides fill with warmth as Harry continued to cum, taking a long time to finish, every muscle in his body tensing, holding himself inside. 

He finally collapsed on top of Louis, their bodies slippery with cum and both utterly exhausted. Harry rolled off, his softening cock slipping out of Louis' ass.

Louis turned over so they were face to face in the dark room, arms wrapped around each other. He looked into Harry's eyes and found them twinkling with spots of bright light, like two stars had been plucked from the night sky and place there, shining to keep the darkness in Louis' heart at bay. 

"That was..." Louis whispered, completely spent.

"...Incredible." Finished Harry, moving in to kiss Louis, gently this time, like he was thanking him for what had just happened.

"Yeah..." Louis said as the pulled away from each other. He rolled over so his back was to Harry's chest and the taller boy pulled him close, protecting him from the cold air.

"Goodnight Boobear." He whispered into Louis' ear.

"Goodnight Hazza."

xx

 _Author’s Note_ **_:_ Well, guys, it's over :( Well, not completely cause their's gonna be an Epilogue (Except it probably within a few days, though we all know how good I am at deadlines) but I won't be putting an Author's Note on that. This is very emotional for me. I've been writing this story since last June, and I will miss this Harry and Louis very, very much. I hope to write some more fic soon, but it may be a few months before I publish anything substantial as I want to try to write most of my next project before I publish it.**

**I would like to say thank you to every one who has been with "Goodnight Hazza." since the beginning as well as everyone who has read it subsequently. The support I've received, not only on tumblr but on fanfiction.net and Ao3, has been incredible and was probably the only reason that I finished this story.**

**Goodbye, all, I love you! <3 xx**


	13. Epilogue

Louis had often heard sunlight described as streaming in through windows in the morning, but this was different. This was not a harsh ray of light, but a golden blanket that fell softly through the dusty air, shimmering as it stretched lazily across the bed and lay warm across their entangled bodies. It touched Louis’ cheek lightly like a windblown leaf floating down to come to rest gently on the surface of a cool lake in autumn.

He turned over to look at Harry, who was still asleep, face relaxed and chest rising and falling slowly, steadily. The light shone through his curls, making them glow softly and turn caramel-coloured as a hazy aurora illuminated his skin.

Louis moved his head forward slightly to plant a very light kiss on Harry’s lips, still swollen from the night before. He propped himself on one elbow and, running a hand through the sleeping boy’s hair, fingers twisting through the soft strands, whispered softly into his ear. “I love you.”

Harry’s eyes squeezed shut tight for a moment, the skin around them wrinkling, before they opened, revealing the big green circles that lay within. The sun dappled his irises, making flecks of gold stand out and glint against the deep, verdant oceans. Those stars, though dimmed slightly by the sun, still pushed the shadows out of his thoughts with their brilliance.

“I love you too.” Harry croaked, his voice deep and raspy like it always was in the morning.

“Thank you.” Said Louis.

“For what?” Asked Harry, rolling onto his back and pulling Louis with him so his small head was resting on his chest.

“For loving me.”

“Always.”

xx

They would stay there together for hours, whispering, giggling, making up for lost time.

Eventually they would go to meet the boys at the Cinnamon Nook and, holding hands under the table, tell them what had happened, eliciting happy whoops from Niall and Zayn, and tears from Liam, who wouldn’t stop crying for fourty minutes, continuously hugging the two of them.

They would go on a walk through a discreet part of the city, holding hands and making out in an alleyway before being interrupted by a policeman, who would shoo them away, both laughing hysterically as they ran.

They would make dinner together, or, rather, Harry would as Louis annoyed him by dancing around and banging on a pot with a ladle. They would eat in the dark kitchen, feeding one another.

That night they would make love, not desperate for each other’s touch like the previous day, but slowly, gently, like they would only get those few hours together, even though they both knew they would have thousands more.

And afterward, as they lay in bed, Louis would turn to Harry, his heart blazing with sunlight and starlight, and softly whisper…

Well, you know.


End file.
